Winter Walk

Oh my holy hell. I love this time of year.

I can't believe I've made it 15 days as a non-smoker. Though I thought about it a lot at first, especially because of all the scary incredibly guilt inducing dreams I was having, and the small moments of irrationality the second I woke up, wondering where my smokes were, since I'd just had a smoke, may as well get up and have another, I really haven't been thinking about smoking a whole lot. Today after a marathon shopping spree with a friend, I came home, took one look at my dirty ass car that I'd washed literally 3 weeks ago and hit the wand wash again. While waiting for the truck to vacate the only feasible spot, I threw out my ashtray. My car came with one of the ones that's attached to the dashboard (permanently) so I'd bought a $5 one at Wal Mart. That's what I threw out today. I've noticed lately that I'm smelling smoke in my car a lot more often than I was before. Now that the ashtray is gone I'm looking forward to better smells. I think at the gas station tomorrow when I get coffee, I'll get an air freshener too. Maybe it will smell like everyone else's cars for once.

Not a lot has been happening WW wise. I had a major slip up this weekend, as I got a horrid cold that even prevented me from doing my normal housework. I've been hiding under my brand new comforter that I got at, of all places, Superstore on Friday night. It's been my friend, this blanket. My cold started off as a terrible sore throat, which I assumed was strep, since my sister has had it twice in the last 2 months, but it wasn't, it was just a bad way to start off a cold. I went to the doctor instead of the gym on Friday to get my penicillin prescription, and then Saturday and Sunday I felt like ass, so I missed those days too. The only good thing to come of this weekend was some more interesting sounding recipes off the good ole internet.

Though the points were out of control, and there was little exercise this month to date, I can say that my weight is still staying in the same 10 lb range, which is a good thing. I just have to remember when I'm hungry to drink a glass of water and have an apple or orange, and if it gets no better, I can have a meal. I'm not trying to starve myself at all, I promise, I'm just not letting myself get away with these little snacks I keep 'forgetting' to write down. Summer will be here again before I know it, and I refuse to let another scorcher pass by without some serious photography outdoors while I am wearing shorts! Other than when I was in the Dominican surrounded by strangers, I never once wore shorts the entire year, and the Dominican trip was in November! That means I lasted in +40 heat in long pants! What the hell is wrong with me?!?

Either way, won't happen again.

In other news, I started a hand written diary. I have been noticing my internal monologue is keeping me up at night yet again, so I am taking all opportunities I can to get the words out on paper. That way, if there was a detail in an important conversation I had, it's a matter of time before I can look up the details and finish my thoughts. Then maybe at night I can sleep, like normal people do.

Now if only I could come up with a way to help my sister and her finances. She is drowning big time and is refusing to move to a place she can actually afford, because she doesn't want her landlords to think bad of her. Meanwhile her rent has been late once already, and each month her debt (especially her line of credit) get further and further in the red just because of that stupid rent price. She had to spend $600 on friggen tires just to be able to get to her house, the roads are that dangerous. Each month it only gets worse, each month she attracts another horrible cold/throat problem, and each month her mood dips further and further down below the even level. She's turning into who I was a few years ago, and it's scary to watch. She was always the happy sort, and it's scaring the shit outta me to watch her on this downward spiral. I hope an answer comes to her soon, because I can't stand to watch this for much longer.