Thursday, April 29, 2010
The book
I can't fathom this - I can't stop thinking about how I should write a book, and that it would be good, and that I'd be good at it. The thing is - what the hell would it be about?
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Musings
The more I think about my initial goal of getting a degree in English/Psych, then law school, the more I think it won't fit into my future plans. As if I didn't know already, Kelowna is the place I will stay for the rest of my life. I keep leaving and coming back, so rather than continue that path, I am going to move back ASAP and get things under control.
Part of that is giving up all the wanting I have for other people's lives. My mom moved to the Okanagan a month ago; my aunt is coming in a few months. This means all my family save for my grandpa will be living there. All my best friends save one live there. My sister and one of my brothers lives there. And each time I move away, I YEARN to come back. I leave whatever town I'm living in too early in my haste to come back to my adopted home. And yet still I keep leaving.
The first time was to pursue my dream of being in tech support. I made lots of friends and had a great time. A year less one day later, Kelowna started on fire and made international news. I moved back on day 3 of the fires.
The next time, I left to further my tech support dream. I became a manager and got some of the best coaching and training experience I will ever receive at a company.
The next time I moved here to Calgary. I moved to further my dream of making a shitload of money, live the life I wanted to live. I was warned by my aunt who has lived here for 18 years that this city wasn't friendly anymore. I believed her but thought if I lived in a nice enough area I'd be okay. I was wrong. A unit in this building was broken into, and there were 18 murders within an 80 block radius of my home, all within the first year. The gang violence slowed down, but there was a murder a few blocks from my house about a month ago.
So what have I been doing? Applying at every job back at my old company in Kelowna, in an attempt to get back as soon as humanly possible. Unfortunately, I have an interview on Friday.
You might think this is a good thing, but I can tell you right now, the last thing I want to do is head back to that place. They have a new supervisor, for which I'd initially had high hopes for. A few weeks ago, I had a 7 hour conversation with a guy I worked with in that office that left a very bad taste in my mouth. However, I intend on using it as a temporary means to an end for now. I'd like to make enough money to pay off my car while I'm taking my legal assistant courses online. After that, I'll be spending my days off during the week looking for a legal assistant job. Monday-Friday 9-5 is a dream I have chased for a very long time now.
Working overnights does not work well with my body. I need an unmoving routine day in and day out, or I will never get healthy. I was hoping my doctor would think that my night shifts were screwing my brain up and causing my depression, so I could get a note stating that I am never to work overnights again. That did not happen however, so I'm entering week 2 of nights.
I have a place to live (3, actually) for when I move back. One of my best friends wants me back living with her again, SO BADLY. She talks about it all the time and I know she's thinking about it even when she's not talking about it. I want to stay there, but the rent is much higher than my other 2 options, I have to deal with a dog that chases my cats incessantly, and both my cats love to destroy furniture, which is something I will have to deal with every single day. Plus, the one LOVES to leave a cat sized blanket of hair behind her everywhere she goes, so there's another issue.
The other place I have to live is on the exact opposite side of the town, and in fact is in another town. However, it's only $200 a month, and they've already got a dog and a cat. The dog doesn't chase the cat very often that I've seen, and their furniture is already destroyed. However, there is a very exact heirarchy in that house, that I will never be able to penetrate. And since I'm one of those people that NEEDS to shower every morning before I do anything, I will end up being late for work, and fights could ensue over it.
The final place is on a property that my friend lives at. She is renting it, but has said that she is more than willing to dump all the furniture that people are storing there in favour of letting me live there. There are lots of great things about this place. It's all one room, and it's not very big, but I could be alone any time I wanted. My alone time has always been a big thing with me. And, should I want to bring a boy home and have my way with him, I could! I'd never have to ask if it was okay, or always go to the boy's house. It has a shower and my own personal sink, oven and fridge. The ONLY downside is, there is no toilet. So I'd always have to walk to the main house to pee or whatnot. I pee a LOT, including in the middle of the night, so that might be an issue. The rent is super cheap however, and is in a really picture-esque area of Kelowna. It's quiet out there. And because it would be my place, and it's far enough from the main house, I can watch TV at any volume any time I like. If I want to play Battlefield, at a ridiculous volume, I can. If I want to listen to music extremely loudly, I can. If I want company, it's a 10 second walk to the house and a fast knock on the door, and I've got someone to talk to. I can have anyone over anytime I want.
I digress. Out of the 3 options, I will most likely take my least favourite, as I know what it's like trying to find a roomate that isn't socially awkward, doing stupid things at stupid times, who doesn't pay their bills, who doesn't know what it means to share housework, make a meal for others when they have been feeding you, and on and on. The money thing really bothers me the most, but if I'm careful, I can work it out. Plus, the other 2 places will be there for a very long time (I hope) so should I ever change my mind, I can leave and go to one of the other places. To be honest, I just want to be back in town. Everything else after that is gravy.
Part of that is giving up all the wanting I have for other people's lives. My mom moved to the Okanagan a month ago; my aunt is coming in a few months. This means all my family save for my grandpa will be living there. All my best friends save one live there. My sister and one of my brothers lives there. And each time I move away, I YEARN to come back. I leave whatever town I'm living in too early in my haste to come back to my adopted home. And yet still I keep leaving.
The first time was to pursue my dream of being in tech support. I made lots of friends and had a great time. A year less one day later, Kelowna started on fire and made international news. I moved back on day 3 of the fires.
The next time, I left to further my tech support dream. I became a manager and got some of the best coaching and training experience I will ever receive at a company.
The next time I moved here to Calgary. I moved to further my dream of making a shitload of money, live the life I wanted to live. I was warned by my aunt who has lived here for 18 years that this city wasn't friendly anymore. I believed her but thought if I lived in a nice enough area I'd be okay. I was wrong. A unit in this building was broken into, and there were 18 murders within an 80 block radius of my home, all within the first year. The gang violence slowed down, but there was a murder a few blocks from my house about a month ago.
So what have I been doing? Applying at every job back at my old company in Kelowna, in an attempt to get back as soon as humanly possible. Unfortunately, I have an interview on Friday.
You might think this is a good thing, but I can tell you right now, the last thing I want to do is head back to that place. They have a new supervisor, for which I'd initially had high hopes for. A few weeks ago, I had a 7 hour conversation with a guy I worked with in that office that left a very bad taste in my mouth. However, I intend on using it as a temporary means to an end for now. I'd like to make enough money to pay off my car while I'm taking my legal assistant courses online. After that, I'll be spending my days off during the week looking for a legal assistant job. Monday-Friday 9-5 is a dream I have chased for a very long time now.
Working overnights does not work well with my body. I need an unmoving routine day in and day out, or I will never get healthy. I was hoping my doctor would think that my night shifts were screwing my brain up and causing my depression, so I could get a note stating that I am never to work overnights again. That did not happen however, so I'm entering week 2 of nights.
I have a place to live (3, actually) for when I move back. One of my best friends wants me back living with her again, SO BADLY. She talks about it all the time and I know she's thinking about it even when she's not talking about it. I want to stay there, but the rent is much higher than my other 2 options, I have to deal with a dog that chases my cats incessantly, and both my cats love to destroy furniture, which is something I will have to deal with every single day. Plus, the one LOVES to leave a cat sized blanket of hair behind her everywhere she goes, so there's another issue.
The other place I have to live is on the exact opposite side of the town, and in fact is in another town. However, it's only $200 a month, and they've already got a dog and a cat. The dog doesn't chase the cat very often that I've seen, and their furniture is already destroyed. However, there is a very exact heirarchy in that house, that I will never be able to penetrate. And since I'm one of those people that NEEDS to shower every morning before I do anything, I will end up being late for work, and fights could ensue over it.
The final place is on a property that my friend lives at. She is renting it, but has said that she is more than willing to dump all the furniture that people are storing there in favour of letting me live there. There are lots of great things about this place. It's all one room, and it's not very big, but I could be alone any time I wanted. My alone time has always been a big thing with me. And, should I want to bring a boy home and have my way with him, I could! I'd never have to ask if it was okay, or always go to the boy's house. It has a shower and my own personal sink, oven and fridge. The ONLY downside is, there is no toilet. So I'd always have to walk to the main house to pee or whatnot. I pee a LOT, including in the middle of the night, so that might be an issue. The rent is super cheap however, and is in a really picture-esque area of Kelowna. It's quiet out there. And because it would be my place, and it's far enough from the main house, I can watch TV at any volume any time I like. If I want to play Battlefield, at a ridiculous volume, I can. If I want to listen to music extremely loudly, I can. If I want company, it's a 10 second walk to the house and a fast knock on the door, and I've got someone to talk to. I can have anyone over anytime I want.
I digress. Out of the 3 options, I will most likely take my least favourite, as I know what it's like trying to find a roomate that isn't socially awkward, doing stupid things at stupid times, who doesn't pay their bills, who doesn't know what it means to share housework, make a meal for others when they have been feeding you, and on and on. The money thing really bothers me the most, but if I'm careful, I can work it out. Plus, the other 2 places will be there for a very long time (I hope) so should I ever change my mind, I can leave and go to one of the other places. To be honest, I just want to be back in town. Everything else after that is gravy.
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