Thursday, April 29, 2010
The book
I can't fathom this - I can't stop thinking about how I should write a book, and that it would be good, and that I'd be good at it. The thing is - what the hell would it be about?
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Musings
The more I think about my initial goal of getting a degree in English/Psych, then law school, the more I think it won't fit into my future plans. As if I didn't know already, Kelowna is the place I will stay for the rest of my life. I keep leaving and coming back, so rather than continue that path, I am going to move back ASAP and get things under control.
Part of that is giving up all the wanting I have for other people's lives. My mom moved to the Okanagan a month ago; my aunt is coming in a few months. This means all my family save for my grandpa will be living there. All my best friends save one live there. My sister and one of my brothers lives there. And each time I move away, I YEARN to come back. I leave whatever town I'm living in too early in my haste to come back to my adopted home. And yet still I keep leaving.
The first time was to pursue my dream of being in tech support. I made lots of friends and had a great time. A year less one day later, Kelowna started on fire and made international news. I moved back on day 3 of the fires.
The next time, I left to further my tech support dream. I became a manager and got some of the best coaching and training experience I will ever receive at a company.
The next time I moved here to Calgary. I moved to further my dream of making a shitload of money, live the life I wanted to live. I was warned by my aunt who has lived here for 18 years that this city wasn't friendly anymore. I believed her but thought if I lived in a nice enough area I'd be okay. I was wrong. A unit in this building was broken into, and there were 18 murders within an 80 block radius of my home, all within the first year. The gang violence slowed down, but there was a murder a few blocks from my house about a month ago.
So what have I been doing? Applying at every job back at my old company in Kelowna, in an attempt to get back as soon as humanly possible. Unfortunately, I have an interview on Friday.
You might think this is a good thing, but I can tell you right now, the last thing I want to do is head back to that place. They have a new supervisor, for which I'd initially had high hopes for. A few weeks ago, I had a 7 hour conversation with a guy I worked with in that office that left a very bad taste in my mouth. However, I intend on using it as a temporary means to an end for now. I'd like to make enough money to pay off my car while I'm taking my legal assistant courses online. After that, I'll be spending my days off during the week looking for a legal assistant job. Monday-Friday 9-5 is a dream I have chased for a very long time now.
Working overnights does not work well with my body. I need an unmoving routine day in and day out, or I will never get healthy. I was hoping my doctor would think that my night shifts were screwing my brain up and causing my depression, so I could get a note stating that I am never to work overnights again. That did not happen however, so I'm entering week 2 of nights.
I have a place to live (3, actually) for when I move back. One of my best friends wants me back living with her again, SO BADLY. She talks about it all the time and I know she's thinking about it even when she's not talking about it. I want to stay there, but the rent is much higher than my other 2 options, I have to deal with a dog that chases my cats incessantly, and both my cats love to destroy furniture, which is something I will have to deal with every single day. Plus, the one LOVES to leave a cat sized blanket of hair behind her everywhere she goes, so there's another issue.
The other place I have to live is on the exact opposite side of the town, and in fact is in another town. However, it's only $200 a month, and they've already got a dog and a cat. The dog doesn't chase the cat very often that I've seen, and their furniture is already destroyed. However, there is a very exact heirarchy in that house, that I will never be able to penetrate. And since I'm one of those people that NEEDS to shower every morning before I do anything, I will end up being late for work, and fights could ensue over it.
The final place is on a property that my friend lives at. She is renting it, but has said that she is more than willing to dump all the furniture that people are storing there in favour of letting me live there. There are lots of great things about this place. It's all one room, and it's not very big, but I could be alone any time I wanted. My alone time has always been a big thing with me. And, should I want to bring a boy home and have my way with him, I could! I'd never have to ask if it was okay, or always go to the boy's house. It has a shower and my own personal sink, oven and fridge. The ONLY downside is, there is no toilet. So I'd always have to walk to the main house to pee or whatnot. I pee a LOT, including in the middle of the night, so that might be an issue. The rent is super cheap however, and is in a really picture-esque area of Kelowna. It's quiet out there. And because it would be my place, and it's far enough from the main house, I can watch TV at any volume any time I like. If I want to play Battlefield, at a ridiculous volume, I can. If I want to listen to music extremely loudly, I can. If I want company, it's a 10 second walk to the house and a fast knock on the door, and I've got someone to talk to. I can have anyone over anytime I want.
I digress. Out of the 3 options, I will most likely take my least favourite, as I know what it's like trying to find a roomate that isn't socially awkward, doing stupid things at stupid times, who doesn't pay their bills, who doesn't know what it means to share housework, make a meal for others when they have been feeding you, and on and on. The money thing really bothers me the most, but if I'm careful, I can work it out. Plus, the other 2 places will be there for a very long time (I hope) so should I ever change my mind, I can leave and go to one of the other places. To be honest, I just want to be back in town. Everything else after that is gravy.
Part of that is giving up all the wanting I have for other people's lives. My mom moved to the Okanagan a month ago; my aunt is coming in a few months. This means all my family save for my grandpa will be living there. All my best friends save one live there. My sister and one of my brothers lives there. And each time I move away, I YEARN to come back. I leave whatever town I'm living in too early in my haste to come back to my adopted home. And yet still I keep leaving.
The first time was to pursue my dream of being in tech support. I made lots of friends and had a great time. A year less one day later, Kelowna started on fire and made international news. I moved back on day 3 of the fires.
The next time, I left to further my tech support dream. I became a manager and got some of the best coaching and training experience I will ever receive at a company.
The next time I moved here to Calgary. I moved to further my dream of making a shitload of money, live the life I wanted to live. I was warned by my aunt who has lived here for 18 years that this city wasn't friendly anymore. I believed her but thought if I lived in a nice enough area I'd be okay. I was wrong. A unit in this building was broken into, and there were 18 murders within an 80 block radius of my home, all within the first year. The gang violence slowed down, but there was a murder a few blocks from my house about a month ago.
So what have I been doing? Applying at every job back at my old company in Kelowna, in an attempt to get back as soon as humanly possible. Unfortunately, I have an interview on Friday.
You might think this is a good thing, but I can tell you right now, the last thing I want to do is head back to that place. They have a new supervisor, for which I'd initially had high hopes for. A few weeks ago, I had a 7 hour conversation with a guy I worked with in that office that left a very bad taste in my mouth. However, I intend on using it as a temporary means to an end for now. I'd like to make enough money to pay off my car while I'm taking my legal assistant courses online. After that, I'll be spending my days off during the week looking for a legal assistant job. Monday-Friday 9-5 is a dream I have chased for a very long time now.
Working overnights does not work well with my body. I need an unmoving routine day in and day out, or I will never get healthy. I was hoping my doctor would think that my night shifts were screwing my brain up and causing my depression, so I could get a note stating that I am never to work overnights again. That did not happen however, so I'm entering week 2 of nights.
I have a place to live (3, actually) for when I move back. One of my best friends wants me back living with her again, SO BADLY. She talks about it all the time and I know she's thinking about it even when she's not talking about it. I want to stay there, but the rent is much higher than my other 2 options, I have to deal with a dog that chases my cats incessantly, and both my cats love to destroy furniture, which is something I will have to deal with every single day. Plus, the one LOVES to leave a cat sized blanket of hair behind her everywhere she goes, so there's another issue.
The other place I have to live is on the exact opposite side of the town, and in fact is in another town. However, it's only $200 a month, and they've already got a dog and a cat. The dog doesn't chase the cat very often that I've seen, and their furniture is already destroyed. However, there is a very exact heirarchy in that house, that I will never be able to penetrate. And since I'm one of those people that NEEDS to shower every morning before I do anything, I will end up being late for work, and fights could ensue over it.
The final place is on a property that my friend lives at. She is renting it, but has said that she is more than willing to dump all the furniture that people are storing there in favour of letting me live there. There are lots of great things about this place. It's all one room, and it's not very big, but I could be alone any time I wanted. My alone time has always been a big thing with me. And, should I want to bring a boy home and have my way with him, I could! I'd never have to ask if it was okay, or always go to the boy's house. It has a shower and my own personal sink, oven and fridge. The ONLY downside is, there is no toilet. So I'd always have to walk to the main house to pee or whatnot. I pee a LOT, including in the middle of the night, so that might be an issue. The rent is super cheap however, and is in a really picture-esque area of Kelowna. It's quiet out there. And because it would be my place, and it's far enough from the main house, I can watch TV at any volume any time I like. If I want to play Battlefield, at a ridiculous volume, I can. If I want to listen to music extremely loudly, I can. If I want company, it's a 10 second walk to the house and a fast knock on the door, and I've got someone to talk to. I can have anyone over anytime I want.
I digress. Out of the 3 options, I will most likely take my least favourite, as I know what it's like trying to find a roomate that isn't socially awkward, doing stupid things at stupid times, who doesn't pay their bills, who doesn't know what it means to share housework, make a meal for others when they have been feeding you, and on and on. The money thing really bothers me the most, but if I'm careful, I can work it out. Plus, the other 2 places will be there for a very long time (I hope) so should I ever change my mind, I can leave and go to one of the other places. To be honest, I just want to be back in town. Everything else after that is gravy.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Greetings.
I'd like to say something fantastically awesome happened to make me want to post, but nothing did. I resisted the TERRIBLE urge to jump in my car and head to Kelowna, which is a big thing for me. It's tough, I only have 1 close friend here, plus my aunt. I'm used to having around 10 people I can call to hang out, so the boredom is killing me slowly. I went to a tim Horton's today for lunch and saw that they are hiring and appear to need people desperately. It's got a huge free parking lot surrounding it, so I think after I get the last gift on my mom's list for her birthday, I might just print up a customer service resume and head on over there. Experience like that would be fantastic, should my current company not come through when I move back.
In other news, I talked to Nola a few days ago on the phone and mentioned how I probably wanted to just take the legal assistant course to make sure the next 7 years will take me in a direction I want. I'm not so sure I want to do that though. I'd really like to just start school. I think I'd love being able to use my creative side, and take some courses that interest me.
There are 2 things getting in the way of me accepting admission:
1. I don't think I will be approved for funding and might need to wait a year.
2. I am scared to accept, because if I am not approved for funding, I will have to ask for my transcripts again, apply again next year, and wait patiently to see if I'm approved for funding from BC instead of Alberta.
The issue here, is that though I would love to take the legal assistant course, as I think it really would help me decide, I also don't have enough for the full year to take full time courses. No big deal, because I can take them online, and save for each course one by one until I've got my certificate. The thing is, how long will that take? I won't be making what I'm making now, in fact my income will most likely be halved, and yet somehow I need to come up with $2000? I wish this whole thing was over already, and it was September, and I had a clear plan. If I already had the $5000 to begin with, I wouldn't be the least bit worried, as I could either pay for my first year of school and get some awesome tax refunds, or pay for the legal assistant courses, work for a year, make sure it's what I want to do, and have a direct path to the rest of my life.
I am not the only person in the world worrying about this, I know, but still.
Got the fucktard brats a new scratching post today, they are pissed. My roommate put TONS and I mean TOOOOOOOONSSS of catnip on the top part, and they won't go near it. Bitches.
In other news, I talked to Nola a few days ago on the phone and mentioned how I probably wanted to just take the legal assistant course to make sure the next 7 years will take me in a direction I want. I'm not so sure I want to do that though. I'd really like to just start school. I think I'd love being able to use my creative side, and take some courses that interest me.
There are 2 things getting in the way of me accepting admission:
1. I don't think I will be approved for funding and might need to wait a year.
2. I am scared to accept, because if I am not approved for funding, I will have to ask for my transcripts again, apply again next year, and wait patiently to see if I'm approved for funding from BC instead of Alberta.
The issue here, is that though I would love to take the legal assistant course, as I think it really would help me decide, I also don't have enough for the full year to take full time courses. No big deal, because I can take them online, and save for each course one by one until I've got my certificate. The thing is, how long will that take? I won't be making what I'm making now, in fact my income will most likely be halved, and yet somehow I need to come up with $2000? I wish this whole thing was over already, and it was September, and I had a clear plan. If I already had the $5000 to begin with, I wouldn't be the least bit worried, as I could either pay for my first year of school and get some awesome tax refunds, or pay for the legal assistant courses, work for a year, make sure it's what I want to do, and have a direct path to the rest of my life.
I am not the only person in the world worrying about this, I know, but still.
Got the fucktard brats a new scratching post today, they are pissed. My roommate put TONS and I mean TOOOOOOOONSSS of catnip on the top part, and they won't go near it. Bitches.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Things aren't doing well.
I like to think that those depression meds I stopped taking weren't really working. I was only on them for a few weeks, and the headaches I got were so bad I almost couldn't function. Thanks to the Celexa they tried me on first, the reaction to it slammed my body so hard, it knocked my immune system out and now I'm allergic to ibuprofen, the ONLY headache medicine I was ever able to take. I have told my doctor 3 times now that all Tylenol upsets my stomach, slow release or not, and he still refuses to believe me.
I recently joined a gym, so not having pain relievers is going to make this even worse.
Unfortunately, it appears that I need my depression meds. It's a nasty circle. I can treat everyone around me as if they don't matter, but they won't stick around for much longer if I keep it up. But, I can't take depression meds because of what they do to me. I feel like crying more often than not. My roommate shot a fucking nail through his knee and will now be here for a full month, in my face 24/7. This 3 days without him wasn't enough. I was getting tired of him being around even on the days he worked, god knows how I will deal with this every single day.
I am tired all the time but can't sleep. I toss and turn all night and can't turn my mind off. I have to go to the gym at 9:30 tomorrow, and I can't even tell how I will get through one session without wanting to collapse on the floor. I made it through belly dance today but only because it was fun.
Here's hoping the roommate is in the hospital one more night.
5 days ago I made a really silly mistake at work, something I never do. It worried my boss so much he actually came in 2 hours early to talk to me before my shift was over at 7am. He thinks there's something seriously wrong for me to miss something like that. He tried to ask me what was wrong, and I was so close to crying all I could do was shrug and say nothing. I'm close to crying all the time.
I hate this fucking town and hate my job even more.
Fuck.
I recently joined a gym, so not having pain relievers is going to make this even worse.
Unfortunately, it appears that I need my depression meds. It's a nasty circle. I can treat everyone around me as if they don't matter, but they won't stick around for much longer if I keep it up. But, I can't take depression meds because of what they do to me. I feel like crying more often than not. My roommate shot a fucking nail through his knee and will now be here for a full month, in my face 24/7. This 3 days without him wasn't enough. I was getting tired of him being around even on the days he worked, god knows how I will deal with this every single day.
I am tired all the time but can't sleep. I toss and turn all night and can't turn my mind off. I have to go to the gym at 9:30 tomorrow, and I can't even tell how I will get through one session without wanting to collapse on the floor. I made it through belly dance today but only because it was fun.
Here's hoping the roommate is in the hospital one more night.
5 days ago I made a really silly mistake at work, something I never do. It worried my boss so much he actually came in 2 hours early to talk to me before my shift was over at 7am. He thinks there's something seriously wrong for me to miss something like that. He tried to ask me what was wrong, and I was so close to crying all I could do was shrug and say nothing. I'm close to crying all the time.
I hate this fucking town and hate my job even more.
Fuck.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
UBCO
So I found out I got accepted to UBCO. Normally this would be an easy decision, but I grew up first before applying to school, and now feel the need to be responsible. I still have a car payment and a fucking SHITTY contract with Rogers that I will have to pay out for once I leave.
The thing is, there was another murder near my house 2 nights ago, and to be honest, I am completely done with this city. It would be a lot easier if I could just leave in time for school to start, but I can't go to school without a student loan and have a car payment.
Regarding the loan, I will not be approved as I make way too much right now, so I'm basically on my own for the first year. Yet another reason to stay. But then I have to live one more year in this shitty scary city. And during the summer I will have to put up with shitty traffic laden Stampede, and who wants that??
Guess I have a lot of decisions to make.
The thing is, there was another murder near my house 2 nights ago, and to be honest, I am completely done with this city. It would be a lot easier if I could just leave in time for school to start, but I can't go to school without a student loan and have a car payment.
Regarding the loan, I will not be approved as I make way too much right now, so I'm basically on my own for the first year. Yet another reason to stay. But then I have to live one more year in this shitty scary city. And during the summer I will have to put up with shitty traffic laden Stampede, and who wants that??
Guess I have a lot of decisions to make.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Clearly.
Clearly things in my life are changing quickly.
Though I haven't changed my mind regarding law school, I have decided to get my Legal Secretary certificate, to support myself in gorgeous Kelowna while I attend school part time. Sure, it will take me 10 years to get my degrees, but that's ok. What do I have to do that I can't afford 10 years? A bunch of nothin'.
I just read on a Vancouver blog that a girl is embarrassed by how much she loves Glee. Sadly, I'm in the same boat. I love singing (though I can't do it myself), I love pretty people, and I love a good laugh. The show delivers in all aspects.
Tonight, I leave for Kelowna, for 10 days. I decided to treat myself and pay for a ticket. It helps that a guy at work had a $100 WestJet voucher that I was able to buy off of him for $60. They refunded the $100 onto my credit card, making this trip that much cheaper!
While I'm in Kelowna I plan on getting some things done:
Register for my first set of online classes through Okanagan College
Mail myself the super cheap-o crockpot my friend Jody got for me (there's no way that shit is fitting in my luggage)
Take tons of pics to finally have SOMETHING to put up on Flickr
Visit with: Mike, Nola, Ryan, Minka, Jody, Steve, Tylar, Cody, Brooke, Ashlea, Sue, Louis, Shaunn, Laureen, Brendan, Erin, Sarah, and all their assorted pets.
Very busy time. I thought 10 days would be more than enough and that I'd have lots of free time, but last week it became clear that it wasn't the case. My sister is demanding more time from me than usual, for some reason. I wish Tammy and Peter could be there, but then don't come to the Okanagan until May long weekend. That's the weekend of the 24th, and my sister's 30th birthday is the 14th. God I hope that works out! Otherwise, I'll have to take time later on and drive up to Fort St John to visit T&P. I can't miss my sister's 30th.
I bought a Wii and Super Mario Brothers just before Christmas. I have been playing that game almost every day since I bought it, and it's coming with me to Kelowna so others can join in on the fun. I can't wait, what a great game!
Tammy loaned me The Secret Life Of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd and The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. The Bees book is timely as I saw the movie on our movie channel about a month before she sent me the book. The Lovely Bones was also incredibly timely, as a few days after it arrived here, the trailers started running on TV for the movie. I really like Mark Wahlberg as an actor, and it looks just to be a very entertaining movie. I'm about 3/4 of the way through that book, so I should finish it just in time for the movie to come out.
I still haven't seen James Cameron's Avatar yet, as the theatres are as crazy busy as they were when Titanic came out, but this time it's available in 3D. I think we'll see the regular version while I'm in Kelowna though.
Christmas present wise, I cleaned up! All my presents were fantastic, I can't believe how much I got. Everyone loved the decorative balls I made for them, so that's awesome. It was pretty depressing opening up those gifts alone though. The roommate went to Lloydminster for Christmas and I worked all the stats, so I was feeling even more alone than usual. Ahh well.
Laundry is done now, so it's time to start packing! God, I can't WAIT to get there.
Though I haven't changed my mind regarding law school, I have decided to get my Legal Secretary certificate, to support myself in gorgeous Kelowna while I attend school part time. Sure, it will take me 10 years to get my degrees, but that's ok. What do I have to do that I can't afford 10 years? A bunch of nothin'.
I just read on a Vancouver blog that a girl is embarrassed by how much she loves Glee. Sadly, I'm in the same boat. I love singing (though I can't do it myself), I love pretty people, and I love a good laugh. The show delivers in all aspects.
Tonight, I leave for Kelowna, for 10 days. I decided to treat myself and pay for a ticket. It helps that a guy at work had a $100 WestJet voucher that I was able to buy off of him for $60. They refunded the $100 onto my credit card, making this trip that much cheaper!
While I'm in Kelowna I plan on getting some things done:
Register for my first set of online classes through Okanagan College
Mail myself the super cheap-o crockpot my friend Jody got for me (there's no way that shit is fitting in my luggage)
Take tons of pics to finally have SOMETHING to put up on Flickr
Visit with: Mike, Nola, Ryan, Minka, Jody, Steve, Tylar, Cody, Brooke, Ashlea, Sue, Louis, Shaunn, Laureen, Brendan, Erin, Sarah, and all their assorted pets.
Very busy time. I thought 10 days would be more than enough and that I'd have lots of free time, but last week it became clear that it wasn't the case. My sister is demanding more time from me than usual, for some reason. I wish Tammy and Peter could be there, but then don't come to the Okanagan until May long weekend. That's the weekend of the 24th, and my sister's 30th birthday is the 14th. God I hope that works out! Otherwise, I'll have to take time later on and drive up to Fort St John to visit T&P. I can't miss my sister's 30th.
I bought a Wii and Super Mario Brothers just before Christmas. I have been playing that game almost every day since I bought it, and it's coming with me to Kelowna so others can join in on the fun. I can't wait, what a great game!
Tammy loaned me The Secret Life Of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd and The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. The Bees book is timely as I saw the movie on our movie channel about a month before she sent me the book. The Lovely Bones was also incredibly timely, as a few days after it arrived here, the trailers started running on TV for the movie. I really like Mark Wahlberg as an actor, and it looks just to be a very entertaining movie. I'm about 3/4 of the way through that book, so I should finish it just in time for the movie to come out.
I still haven't seen James Cameron's Avatar yet, as the theatres are as crazy busy as they were when Titanic came out, but this time it's available in 3D. I think we'll see the regular version while I'm in Kelowna though.
Christmas present wise, I cleaned up! All my presents were fantastic, I can't believe how much I got. Everyone loved the decorative balls I made for them, so that's awesome. It was pretty depressing opening up those gifts alone though. The roommate went to Lloydminster for Christmas and I worked all the stats, so I was feeling even more alone than usual. Ahh well.
Laundry is done now, so it's time to start packing! God, I can't WAIT to get there.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Just bought a laptop!
This is the first one I've ever owned. I spent money I probably shouldn't have, but I've got a savings account and a recently paid off credit card. It only cost me $529.99....not bad on Boxing Day from Best Buy!
I stopped there after work and was in and out of the store in less than 20 minutes. Thanks to the BB guy who told me there was no way he was "making you wait in that line". It was awesome!!!
PS - Expect a lot more updates. Now when I think about something all it takes is one key stroke.
I stopped there after work and was in and out of the store in less than 20 minutes. Thanks to the BB guy who told me there was no way he was "making you wait in that line". It was awesome!!!
PS - Expect a lot more updates. Now when I think about something all it takes is one key stroke.
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