Greetings.

I'd like to say something fantastically awesome happened to make me want to post, but nothing did. I resisted the TERRIBLE urge to jump in my car and head to Kelowna, which is a big thing for me. It's tough, I only have 1 close friend here, plus my aunt. I'm used to having around 10 people I can call to hang out, so the boredom is killing me slowly. I went to a tim Horton's today for lunch and saw that they are hiring and appear to need people desperately. It's got a huge free parking lot surrounding it, so I think after I get the last gift on my mom's list for her birthday, I might just print up a customer service resume and head on over there. Experience like that would be fantastic, should my current company not come through when I move back.

In other news, I talked to Nola a few days ago on the phone and mentioned how I probably wanted to just take the legal assistant course to make sure the next 7 years will take me in a direction I want. I'm not so sure I want to do that though. I'd really like to just start school. I think I'd love being able to use my creative side, and take some courses that interest me.

There are 2 things getting in the way of me accepting admission:

1. I don't think I will be approved for funding and might need to wait a year.
2. I am scared to accept, because if I am not approved for funding, I will have to ask for my transcripts again, apply again next year, and wait patiently to see if I'm approved for funding from BC instead of Alberta.

The issue here, is that though I would love to take the legal assistant course, as I think it really would help me decide, I also don't have enough for the full year to take full time courses. No big deal, because I can take them online, and save for each course one by one until I've got my certificate. The thing is, how long will that take? I won't be making what I'm making now, in fact my income will most likely be halved, and yet somehow I need to come up with $2000? I wish this whole thing was over already, and it was September, and I had a clear plan. If I already had the $5000 to begin with, I wouldn't be the least bit worried, as I could either pay for my first year of school and get some awesome tax refunds, or pay for the legal assistant courses, work for a year, make sure it's what I want to do, and have a direct path to the rest of my life.

I am not the only person in the world worrying about this, I know, but still.

Got the fucktard brats a new scratching post today, they are pissed. My roommate put TONS and I mean TOOOOOOOONSSS of catnip on the top part, and they won't go near it. Bitches.

Things aren't doing well.

I like to think that those depression meds I stopped taking weren't really working. I was only on them for a few weeks, and the headaches I got were so bad I almost couldn't function. Thanks to the Celexa they tried me on first, the reaction to it slammed my body so hard, it knocked my immune system out and now I'm allergic to ibuprofen, the ONLY headache medicine I was ever able to take. I have told my doctor 3 times now that all Tylenol upsets my stomach, slow release or not, and he still refuses to believe me.

I recently joined a gym, so not having pain relievers is going to make this even worse.

Unfortunately, it appears that I need my depression meds. It's a nasty circle. I can treat everyone around me as if they don't matter, but they won't stick around for much longer if I keep it up. But, I can't take depression meds because of what they do to me. I feel like crying more often than not. My roommate shot a fucking nail through his knee and will now be here for a full month, in my face 24/7. This 3 days without him wasn't enough. I was getting tired of him being around even on the days he worked, god knows how I will deal with this every single day.

I am tired all the time but can't sleep. I toss and turn all night and can't turn my mind off. I have to go to the gym at 9:30 tomorrow, and I can't even tell how I will get through one session without wanting to collapse on the floor. I made it through belly dance today but only because it was fun.

Here's hoping the roommate is in the hospital one more night.

5 days ago I made a really silly mistake at work, something I never do. It worried my boss so much he actually came in 2 hours early to talk to me before my shift was over at 7am. He thinks there's something seriously wrong for me to miss something like that. He tried to ask me what was wrong, and I was so close to crying all I could do was shrug and say nothing. I'm close to crying all the time.

I hate this fucking town and hate my job even more.

Fuck.

UBCO

So I found out I got accepted to UBCO. Normally this would be an easy decision, but I grew up first before applying to school, and now feel the need to be responsible. I still have a car payment and a fucking SHITTY contract with Rogers that I will have to pay out for once I leave.

The thing is, there was another murder near my house 2 nights ago, and to be honest, I am completely done with this city. It would be a lot easier if I could just leave in time for school to start, but I can't go to school without a student loan and have a car payment.

Regarding the loan, I will not be approved as I make way too much right now, so I'm basically on my own for the first year. Yet another reason to stay. But then I have to live one more year in this shitty scary city. And during the summer I will have to put up with shitty traffic laden Stampede, and who wants that??

Guess I have a lot of decisions to make.

Clearly.

Clearly things in my life are changing quickly.

Though I haven't changed my mind regarding law school, I have decided to get my Legal Secretary certificate, to support myself in gorgeous Kelowna while I attend school part time. Sure, it will take me 10 years to get my degrees, but that's ok. What do I have to do that I can't afford 10 years? A bunch of nothin'.

I just read on a Vancouver blog that a girl is embarrassed by how much she loves Glee. Sadly, I'm in the same boat. I love singing (though I can't do it myself), I love pretty people, and I love a good laugh. The show delivers in all aspects.

Tonight, I leave for Kelowna, for 10 days. I decided to treat myself and pay for a ticket. It helps that a guy at work had a $100 WestJet voucher that I was able to buy off of him for $60. They refunded the $100 onto my credit card, making this trip that much cheaper!

While I'm in Kelowna I plan on getting some things done:

Register for my first set of online classes through Okanagan College
Mail myself the super cheap-o crockpot my friend Jody got for me (there's no way that shit is fitting in my luggage)
Take tons of pics to finally have SOMETHING to put up on Flickr
Visit with: Mike, Nola, Ryan, Minka, Jody, Steve, Tylar, Cody, Brooke, Ashlea, Sue, Louis, Shaunn, Laureen, Brendan, Erin, Sarah, and all their assorted pets.

Very busy time. I thought 10 days would be more than enough and that I'd have lots of free time, but last week it became clear that it wasn't the case. My sister is demanding more time from me than usual, for some reason. I wish Tammy and Peter could be there, but then don't come to the Okanagan until May long weekend. That's the weekend of the 24th, and my sister's 30th birthday is the 14th. God I hope that works out! Otherwise, I'll have to take time later on and drive up to Fort St John to visit T&P. I can't miss my sister's 30th.

I bought a Wii and Super Mario Brothers just before Christmas. I have been playing that game almost every day since I bought it, and it's coming with me to Kelowna so others can join in on the fun. I can't wait, what a great game!

Tammy loaned me The Secret Life Of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd and The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. The Bees book is timely as I saw the movie on our movie channel about a month before she sent me the book. The Lovely Bones was also incredibly timely, as a few days after it arrived here, the trailers started running on TV for the movie. I really like Mark Wahlberg as an actor, and it looks just to be a very entertaining movie. I'm about 3/4 of the way through that book, so I should finish it just in time for the movie to come out.

I still haven't seen James Cameron's Avatar yet, as the theatres are as crazy busy as they were when Titanic came out, but this time it's available in 3D. I think we'll see the regular version while I'm in Kelowna though.

Christmas present wise, I cleaned up! All my presents were fantastic, I can't believe how much I got. Everyone loved the decorative balls I made for them, so that's awesome. It was pretty depressing opening up those gifts alone though. The roommate went to Lloydminster for Christmas and I worked all the stats, so I was feeling even more alone than usual. Ahh well.

Laundry is done now, so it's time to start packing! God, I can't WAIT to get there.

Just bought a laptop!

This is the first one I've ever owned. I spent money I probably shouldn't have, but I've got a savings account and a recently paid off credit card. It only cost me $529.99....not bad on Boxing Day from Best Buy!


I stopped there after work and was in and out of the store in less than 20 minutes. Thanks to the BB guy who told me there was no way he was "making you wait in that line". It was awesome!!!


PS - Expect a lot more updates. Now when I think about something all it takes is one key stroke.

Nov 17th - Not bad

Today was not too bad, I spent $532 on winter tires for my car. I wouldn't have, but the more I think about it, the better an idea that seems. I bought the Michelin X-Ice XI 2s last year in September, because the drive on Hallowe'en on Rogers Pass scared the ever loving shit outta me. Instead of using cash to get all seasons, I chose to keep the tires on all year. Because they're a winter tire, and therefore very soft, I expected that they would wear down at an insane rate on all that hot pavement because of all the drives I did to Kelowna over the summer. When I got to Canadian Tire this morning, I asked the guy to throw them out if they would be useless for even the summer, and as they were wrapping up, I saw them throw the tires into bags and put them in my trunk. Yes! One less expense!

I've been very careful with my money lately, and it's very strange how upset it's made me. Saving money is a GOOD thing, but for some reason I'm freaking out over it. I guess it's because I'm having a hell of a time finding a second job, and hanging around the house 4 days in a row has made me absolutely stir crazy, which is frustrating me like nothing else.

There's only so much time I want to work on Christmas presents, and once they're all in the mail I've got nothing to keep me busy. I used to play World Of Warcraft which kept me busy for hours (!) on end, but now that I'm done with that, and I'm finding that TV is not a good substitute for nothing to do, the frustration level is getting worse.

This is the first time I've had such a hard time finding a second job in a long time. People keep saying the economy isn't what it was, but I see the malls and WalMart parking lots filled to the brim during the week, so I know consumerism is certainly NOT dead, at least not in this town.

To date I've applied at Indigo (/Coles/Chapters), Starbucks, Superstore, Michael's, and a few other smaller local stores, and haven't received a call back. Ultimately my goal is to work at Indigo, I am a MASSIVE book lover and I know the discount they get thanks to my friend Tammy's job at the Coles in Fort St John, and I WANT IT. Plus, the smell of fresh books...mmmm.

Anyway, I've been using this budget worksheet to figure things out. Gail is an awesome lady, as anyone who has seen her show knows. She thinks the general Canadian public is fucking retarded, and so she should, you should see the high income that some people have who are living paycheque to paycheque! Insanity. Anyway, she's tough but reasonable on her show, which is exactly what I love. The one issue I have with her spreadsheet is that the areas you are filling out aren't really clear, and there's no spot for the average amount of money you spend on gifts, only clothes. I don't know about anyone else, but I have gifts I give every month depending on birthdays, get well cards, whatever, and I'd really like to have that added in. So, what I do is add the average onto my clothing budget (which is not easy to do, since I can go 6 months without buying any) and figure it out that way.

According to her spreadsheet, after paying $550 a month to debt repayment (I owe a total of $1700 on a credit card, and that's IT) I should still have $400 a month left! Uh....what?? That means I should be making double payments on my car, to get it almost paid off completely when I move back to BC to attend school.

I think I've got some more careful planning ahead. There are some very hard to resist opportunities to go for coffee to Starbucks, Timmy's, Mac's, where is closest. There are even harder to resist opportunities to go out for lunch with everyone, especially at this sandwich place near us (and WOW is their food good). I think the reason I have such a hard time resisting is because the lunches I have been making for myself lately aren't the best, that's for sure. If I made them more tempting (like this week's shepherd's pie) it may make the temptation easier to deal with.

Either way, I have many things to save for:

$5500 for tuition for my first year at UBCO
As much cash as possible for car payments should I not be able to pay it off before I move.
About $130 for gas for whomever decides they can move me (either my friend Jody in Kelowna, or my roommate here who's from Kelowna).
$400 for a NetBook

So, so much more. I am not getting my cats declawed, as it just plain costs too much money, and can be so painful!

Nothing.

Nothing much interesting is happening here. I got a second job at the bingo hall as 4 days off in a row is too boring for me. I thought my back would be destroyed after the first 8 hour shift, and it definitely wasn't doing too too well, for sure. However after having a few days off, it started getting better and better, and then I bought a new bed. I worked 19 hours on my feet over 2 days, which is amazing since it's been 10 years since I last had to do that. It's been good so far!

I saw The Ugly Truth with Katherine Heigl and Gerard "hot ass" Butler. Num nums, was a good movie.

That's about all...