The Price You Pay Inside

I looooooooove fall.

2010-09-05T01:26:00.000-07:00

September is always my change month. Weird things happen to me. I tend to get new jobs, I bought my first ever car, I've moved to new apartments and new provinces and on and on.

This month, I'm starting my course online. Here's hoping that as the leaves fall, my brain gets bigger.

The masthead needs to change.

2010-07-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I love the new theme, it's really pretty! But the picture I took when this site was the other colour no longer works. Some time later today, I plan on heading downtown to the park that's a block from my work so I can walk around and take some pics. It is Canada's 143rd birthday after all!

Calgary has schizophrenia.

2010-06-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

There is no possible way to dress for the weather here. When the sun comes out, we're all wishing we were wearing bathing suits. When it goes away, we're wishing for sweaters. This happened as early as 2 days ago.

I believe most of the changes come as a result of our unique position amoungst the mountains that surround us. We're also one of the few cities (if there even are any more) who get chinook winds that make it so damn warm and wash all the snow away a few times a month. It's ALMOST nice to live here during that time. Of course, it's not uncommon to see the temperatures go from +10 one day to -25 the next. That can be a bit hard to deal with, but that's okay. It's just too bad that we haven't had a half decent summer in a long while. Last year there was a ton of rain and wind, meaning very little sun and warm days.

Either way, I have decided to stay here. I told my landlord I wanted my own place, and she said there's a few people whose leases are up at the end of August, and she knows that one of the couples is buying a place, so they will definitely be gone. She said worse comes to worse, she can put me in a 2 bedroom for a month and charge me the one bedroom rate while I'm waiting for a 1 bedroom to open up. She's also giving me a FANTASTIC deal on the rent.

The 1 bedrooms in this building are very interesting. They all have 9 foot ceilings, and they're almost 2 bedroom suites due to the loft section in each one. When my landlord lived here, she was in one of those suites, and said that she put her bed up in the loft, and used the actual bedroom for guests and as an office when she didn't have any. It also has a fairly nice view of Calgary, and is quite safe, as the slope of the roof will make it almost impossible to get at the apartments with a ladder. All in all it sounds much better than where I am now. It also helps that since the windows face north and south, it's VERY easy to get a nice breeze. Those places are often the most cool units in the building when it's crazy hot outside. This couldn't possibly get better. I'll make sure to post pics once I have things all moved in andd ready to go.

I can't wait!

The week

2010-05-16T19:35:00.000-07:00

I ran home to Kelowna again, this time for my sister's 3oth birthday. I am sitting here on my laptop, praying something terrible happens to my car, and I have to stay a few more days. Except I love my car. So I hope that doesn't happen.

The book

2010-04-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

I can't fathom this - I can't stop thinking about how I should write a book, and that it would be good, and that I'd be good at it. The thing is - what the hell would it be about?

Musings

2010-04-04T23:01:00.001-07:00

The more I think about my initial goal of getting a degree in English/Psych, then law school, the more I think it won't fit into my future plans. As if I didn't know already, Kelowna is the place I will stay for the rest of my life. I keep leaving and coming back, so rather than continue that path, I am going to move back ASAP and get things under control.

Part of that is giving up all the wanting I have for other people's lives. My mom moved to the Okanagan a month ago; my aunt is coming in a few months. This means all my family save for my grandpa will be living there. All my best friends save one live there. My sister and one of my brothers lives there. And each time I move away, I YEARN to come back. I leave whatever town I'm living in too early in my haste to come back to my adopted home. And yet still I keep leaving.

The first time was to pursue my dream of being in tech support. I made lots of friends and had a great time. A year less one day later, Kelowna started on fire and made international news. I moved back on day 3 of the fires.

The next time, I left to further my tech support dream. I became a manager and got some of the best coaching and training experience I will ever receive at a company.

The next time I moved here to Calgary. I moved to further my dream of making a shitload of money, live the life I wanted to live. I was warned by my aunt who has lived here for 18 years that this city wasn't friendly anymore. I believed her but thought if I lived in a nice enough area I'd be okay. I was wrong. A unit in this building was broken into, and there were 18 murders within an 80 block radius of my home, all within the first year. The gang violence slowed down, but there was a murder a few blocks from my house about a month ago.

So what have I been doing? Applying at every job back at my old company in Kelowna, in an attempt to get back as soon as humanly possible. Unfortunately, I have an interview on Friday.

You might think this is a good thing, but I can tell you right now, the last thing I want to do is head back to that place. They have a new supervisor, for which I'd initially had high hopes for. A few weeks ago, I had a 7 hour conversation with a guy I worked with in that office that left a very bad taste in my mouth. However, I intend on using it as a temporary means to an end for now. I'd like to make enough money to pay off my car while I'm taking my legal assistant courses online. After that, I'll be spending my days off during the week looking for a legal assistant job. Monday-Friday 9-5 is a dream I have chased for a very long time now.

Working overnights does not work well with my body. I need an unmoving routine day in and day out, or I will never get healthy. I was hoping my doctor would think that my night shifts were screwing my brain up and causing my depression, so I could get a note stating that I am never to work overnights again. That did not happen however, so I'm entering week 2 of nights.

I have a place to live (3, actually) for when I move back. One of my best friends wants me back living with her again, SO BADLY. She talks about it all the time and I know she's thinking about it even when she's not talking about it. I want to stay there, but the rent is much higher than my other 2 options, I have to deal with a dog that chases my cats incessantly, and both my cats love to destroy furniture, which is something I will have to deal with every single day. Plus, the one LOVES to leave a cat sized blanket of hair behind her everywhere she goes, so there's another issue.

The other place I have to live is on the exact opposite side of the town, and in fact is in another town. However, it's only $200 a month, and they've already got a dog and a cat. The dog doesn't chase the cat very often that I've seen, and their furniture is already destroyed. However, there is a very exact heirarchy in that house, that I will never be able to penetrate. And since I'm one of those people that NEEDS to shower every morning before I do anything, I will end up being late for work, and fights could ensue over it.

The final place is on a property that my friend lives at. She is renting it, but has said that she is more than willing to dump all the furniture that people are storing there in favour of letting me live there. There are lots of great things about this place. It's all one room, and it's not very big, but I could be alone any time I wanted. My alone time has always been a big thing with me. And, should I want to bring a boy home and have my way with him, I could! I'd never have to ask if it was okay, or always go to the boy's house. It has a shower and my own personal sink, oven and fridge. The ONLY downside is, there is no toilet. So I'd always have to walk to the main house to pee or whatnot. I pee a LOT, including in the middle of the night, so that might be an issue. The rent is super cheap however, and is in a really picture-esque area of Kelowna. It's quiet out there. And because it would be my place, and it's far enough from the main house, I can watch TV at any volume any time I like. If I want to play Battlefield, at a ridiculous volume, I can. If I want to listen to music extremely loudly, I can. If I want company, it's a 10 second walk to the house and a fast knock on the door, and I've got someone to talk to. I can have anyone over anytime I want.

I digress. Out of the 3 options, I will most likely take my least favourite, as I know what it's like trying to find a roomate that isn't socially awkward, doing stupid things at stupid times, who doesn't pay their bills, who doesn't know what it means to share housework, make a meal for others when they have been feeding you, and on and on. The money thing really bothers me the most, but if I'm careful, I can work it out. Plus, the other 2 places will be there for a very long time (I hope) so should I ever change my mind, I can leave and go to one of the other places. To be honest, I just want to be back in town. Everything else after that is gravy.

Greetings.

2010-03-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

I'd like to say something fantastically awesome happened to make me want to post, but nothing did. I resisted the TERRIBLE urge to jump in my car and head to Kelowna, which is a big thing for me. It's tough, I only have 1 close friend here, plus my aunt. I'm used to having around 10 people I can call to hang out, so the boredom is killing me slowly. I went to a tim Horton's today for lunch and saw that they are hiring and appear to need people desperately. It's got a huge free parking lot surrounding it, so I think after I get the last gift on my mom's list for her birthday, I might just print up a customer service resume and head on over there. Experience like that would be fantastic, should my current company not come through when I move back.

In other news, I talked to Nola a few days ago on the phone and mentioned how I probably wanted to just take the legal assistant course to make sure the next 7 years will take me in a direction I want. I'm not so sure I want to do that though. I'd really like to just start school. I think I'd love being able to use my creative side, and take some courses that interest me.

There are 2 things getting in the way of me accepting admission:

1. I don't think I will be approved for funding and might need to wait a year.
2. I am scared to accept, because if I am not approved for funding, I will have to ask for my transcripts again, apply again next year, and wait patiently to see if I'm approved for funding from BC instead of Alberta.

The issue here, is that though I would love to take the legal assistant course, as I think it really would help me decide, I also don't have enough for the full year to take full time courses. No big deal, because I can take them online, and save for each course one by one until I've got my certificate. The thing is, how long will that take? I won't be making what I'm making now, in fact my income will most likely be halved, and yet somehow I need to come up with $2000? I wish this whole thing was over already, and it was September, and I had a clear plan. If I already had the $5000 to begin with, I wouldn't be the least bit worried, as I could either pay for my first year of school and get some awesome tax refunds, or pay for the legal assistant courses, work for a year, make sure it's what I want to do, and have a direct path to the rest of my life.

I am not the only person in the world worrying about this, I know, but still.

Got the fucktard brats a new scratching post today, they are pissed. My roommate put TONS and I mean TOOOOOOOONSSS of catnip on the top part, and they won't go near it. Bitches.

Things aren't doing well.

2010-02-07T22:09:00.000-08:00

I like to think that those depression meds I stopped taking weren't really working. I was only on them for a few weeks, and the headaches I got were so bad I almost couldn't function. Thanks to the Celexa they tried me on first, the reaction to it slammed my body so hard, it knocked my immune system out and now I'm allergic to ibuprofen, the ONLY headache medicine I was ever able to take. I have told my doctor 3 times now that all Tylenol upsets my stomach, slow release or not, and he still refuses to believe me.

I recently joined a gym, so not having pain relievers is going to make this even worse.

Unfortunately, it appears that I need my depression meds. It's a nasty circle. I can treat everyone around me as if they don't matter, but they won't stick around for much longer if I keep it up. But, I can't take depression meds because of what they do to me. I feel like crying more often than not. My roommate shot a fucking nail through his knee and will now be here for a full month, in my face 24/7. This 3 days without him wasn't enough. I was getting tired of him being around even on the days he worked, god knows how I will deal with this every single day.

I am tired all the time but can't sleep. I toss and turn all night and can't turn my mind off. I have to go to the gym at 9:30 tomorrow, and I can't even tell how I will get through one session without wanting to collapse on the floor. I made it through belly dance today but only because it was fun.

Here's hoping the roommate is in the hospital one more night.

5 days ago I made a really silly mistake at work, something I never do. It worried my boss so much he actually came in 2 hours early to talk to me before my shift was over at 7am. He thinks there's something seriously wrong for me to miss something like that. He tried to ask me what was wrong, and I was so close to crying all I could do was shrug and say nothing. I'm close to crying all the time.

I hate this fucking town and hate my job even more.

Fuck.

UBCO

2010-01-31T20:35:00.000-08:00

So I found out I got accepted to UBCO. Normally this would be an easy decision, but I grew up first before applying to school, and now feel the need to be responsible. I still have a car payment and a fucking SHITTY contract with Rogers that I will have to pay out for once I leave.

The thing is, there was another murder near my house 2 nights ago, and to be honest, I am completely done with this city. It would be a lot easier if I could just leave in time for school to start, but I can't go to school without a student loan and have a car payment.

Regarding the loan, I will not be approved as I make way too much right now, so I'm basically on my own for the first year. Yet another reason to stay. But then I have to live one more year in this shitty scary city. And during the summer I will have to put up with shitty traffic laden Stampede, and who wants that??

Guess I have a lot of decisions to make.

Clearly.

2010-01-12T08:36:00.000-08:00

Clearly things in my life are changing quickly.

Though I haven't changed my mind regarding law school, I have decided to get my Legal Secretary certificate, to support myself in gorgeous Kelowna while I attend school part time. Sure, it will take me 10 years to get my degrees, but that's ok. What do I have to do that I can't afford 10 years? A bunch of nothin'.

I just read on a Vancouver blog that a girl is embarrassed by how much she loves Glee. Sadly, I'm in the same boat. I love singing (though I can't do it myself), I love pretty people, and I love a good laugh. The show delivers in all aspects.

Tonight, I leave for Kelowna, for 10 days. I decided to treat myself and pay for a ticket. It helps that a guy at work had a $100 WestJet voucher that I was able to buy off of him for $60. They refunded the $100 onto my credit card, making this trip that much cheaper!

While I'm in Kelowna I plan on getting some things done:

Register for my first set of online classes through Okanagan College
Mail myself the super cheap-o crockpot my friend Jody got for me (there's no way that shit is fitting in my luggage)
Take tons of pics to finally have SOMETHING to put up on Flickr
Visit with: Mike, Nola, Ryan, Minka, Jody, Steve, Tylar, Cody, Brooke, Ashlea, Sue, Louis, Shaunn, Laureen, Brendan, Erin, Sarah, and all their assorted pets.

Very busy time. I thought 10 days would be more than enough and that I'd have lots of free time, but last week it became clear that it wasn't the case. My sister is demanding more time from me than usual, for some reason. I wish Tammy and Peter could be there, but then don't come to the Okanagan until May long weekend. That's the weekend of the 24th, and my sister's 30th birthday is the 14th. God I hope that works out! Otherwise, I'll have to take time later on and drive up to Fort St John to visit T&P. I can't miss my sister's 30th.

I bought a Wii and Super Mario Brothers just before Christmas. I have been playing that game almost every day since I bought it, and it's coming with me to Kelowna so others can join in on the fun. I can't wait, what a great game!

Tammy loaned me The Secret Life Of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd and The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. The Bees book is timely as I saw the movie on our movie channel about a month before she sent me the book. The Lovely Bones was also incredibly timely, as a few days after it arrived here, the trailers started running on TV for the movie. I really like Mark Wahlberg as an actor, and it looks just to be a very entertaining movie. I'm about 3/4 of the way through that book, so I should finish it just in time for the movie to come out.

I still haven't seen James Cameron's Avatar yet, as the theatres are as crazy busy as they were when Titanic came out, but this time it's available in 3D. I think we'll see the regular version while I'm in Kelowna though.

Christmas present wise, I cleaned up! All my presents were fantastic, I can't believe how much I got. Everyone loved the decorative balls I made for them, so that's awesome. It was pretty depressing opening up those gifts alone though. The roommate went to Lloydminster for Christmas and I worked all the stats, so I was feeling even more alone than usual. Ahh well.

Laundry is done now, so it's time to start packing! God, I can't WAIT to get there.

Just bought a laptop!

2009-12-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

This is the first one I've ever owned. I spent money I probably shouldn't have, but I've got a savings account and a recently paid off credit card. It only cost me $529.99....not bad on Boxing Day from Best Buy!

I stopped there after work and was in and out of the store in less than 20 minutes. Thanks to the BB guy who told me there was no way he was "making you wait in that line". It was awesome!!!

PS - Expect a lot more updates. Now when I think about something all it takes is one key stroke.

Nov 17th - Not bad

2009-11-17T14:38:00.000-08:00

Today was not too bad, I spent $532 on winter tires for my car. I wouldn't have, but the more I think about it, the better an idea that seems. I bought the Michelin X-Ice XI 2s last year in September, because the drive on Hallowe'en on Rogers Pass scared the ever loving shit outta me. Instead of using cash to get all seasons, I chose to keep the tires on all year. Because they're a winter tire, and therefore very soft, I expected that they would wear down at an insane rate on all that hot pavement because of all the drives I did to Kelowna over the summer. When I got to Canadian Tire this morning, I asked the guy to throw them out if they would be useless for even the summer, and as they were wrapping up, I saw them throw the tires into bags and put them in my trunk. Yes! One less expense!

I've been very careful with my money lately, and it's very strange how upset it's made me. Saving money is a GOOD thing, but for some reason I'm freaking out over it. I guess it's because I'm having a hell of a time finding a second job, and hanging around the house 4 days in a row has made me absolutely stir crazy, which is frustrating me like nothing else.

There's only so much time I want to work on Christmas presents, and once they're all in the mail I've got nothing to keep me busy. I used to play World Of Warcraft which kept me busy for hours (!) on end, but now that I'm done with that, and I'm finding that TV is not a good substitute for nothing to do, the frustration level is getting worse.

This is the first time I've had such a hard time finding a second job in a long time. People keep saying the economy isn't what it was, but I see the malls and WalMart parking lots filled to the brim during the week, so I know consumerism is certainly NOT dead, at least not in this town.

To date I've applied at Indigo (/Coles/Chapters), Starbucks, Superstore, Michael's, and a few other smaller local stores, and haven't received a call back. Ultimately my goal is to work at Indigo, I am a MASSIVE book lover and I know the discount they get thanks to my friend Tammy's job at the Coles in Fort St John, and I WANT IT. Plus, the smell of fresh books...mmmm.

Anyway, I've been using this budget worksheet to figure things out. Gail is an awesome lady, as anyone who has seen her show knows. She thinks the general Canadian public is fucking retarded, and so she should, you should see the high income that some people have who are living paycheque to paycheque! Insanity. Anyway, she's tough but reasonable on her show, which is exactly what I love. The one issue I have with her spreadsheet is that the areas you are filling out aren't really clear, and there's no spot for the average amount of money you spend on gifts, only clothes. I don't know about anyone else, but I have gifts I give every month depending on birthdays, get well cards, whatever, and I'd really like to have that added in. So, what I do is add the average onto my clothing budget (which is not easy to do, since I can go 6 months without buying any) and figure it out that way.

According to her spreadsheet, after paying $550 a month to debt repayment (I owe a total of $1700 on a credit card, and that's IT) I should still have $400 a month left! Uh....what?? That means I should be making double payments on my car, to get it almost paid off completely when I move back to BC to attend school.

I think I've got some more careful planning ahead. There are some very hard to resist opportunities to go for coffee to Starbucks, Timmy's, Mac's, where is closest. There are even harder to resist opportunities to go out for lunch with everyone, especially at this sandwich place near us (and WOW is their food good). I think the reason I have such a hard time resisting is because the lunches I have been making for myself lately aren't the best, that's for sure. If I made them more tempting (like this week's shepherd's pie) it may make the temptation easier to deal with.

Either way, I have many things to save for:

$5500 for tuition for my first year at UBCO
As much cash as possible for car payments should I not be able to pay it off before I move.
About $130 for gas for whomever decides they can move me (either my friend Jody in Kelowna, or my roommate here who's from Kelowna).
$400 for a NetBook

So, so much more. I am not getting my cats declawed, as it just plain costs too much money, and can be so painful!

Nothing.

2009-09-01T11:05:00.001-07:00

Nothing much interesting is happening here. I got a second job at the bingo hall as 4 days off in a row is too boring for me. I thought my back would be destroyed after the first 8 hour shift, and it definitely wasn't doing too too well, for sure. However after having a few days off, it started getting better and better, and then I bought a new bed. I worked 19 hours on my feet over 2 days, which is amazing since it's been 10 years since I last had to do that. It's been good so far!

I saw The Ugly Truth with Katherine Heigl and Gerard "hot ass" Butler. Num nums, was a good movie.

That's about all...

Issues

2009-07-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

I seem to have some issues when it comes to money. I feel like everything is working fine, so I spend a little money here and there for things that help me with my life, and then something goes terribly wrong. For instance, a few weeks ago my computer decided it couldn't handle fast internet anymore (wireless or otherwise) then it crashed and would only boot with one stick of ram. Awesome, slow computer, slow internet. After all troubleshooting was done, each issue points to the motherboard. Unfortunately, the computer is more than 2 years old, and while it was good for a while, there were some games I played that I wanted to crank the settings on video wise, but never could as I had to go with a budget card.

Fine, I thought, I'll just save up for an iMac and get a ridiculous video card with that. Except, my savings are gone thanks to the wedding, as well as a certain outstanding bill I've been dealing with since I was 18. They offered me a $600 buyout to get rid of the damn thing for good. There was no way I was passing that up, so I went for it. My $800 savings went to $200 just like that. I'm glad though, as the bill was sitting at $1500 when they offered me that deal. I would have been a total idiot to give that up.

My boss and I had worked out ahead of time that we would put in for one vacation day equalling 10 hours at the end of the month, as I would have accrued it by then. I looked at my cheque after I returned from the wedding, and suddenly there's 15 hours missing? Where did these extra 5 hours come from? On top of that, my boss didn't put in for the vacation day, so why was it deducted?

We got paid on Thursday, so there was only one day left in the week. It wasn't taken care of by the time the weekend started and I still haven't received a deposit, so I emailed my boss again asking for an update. I hope this gets resolved soon.

Anyway, so I have a shorter cheque and a broken computer.

A while ago, I think it was the beginning of May, I had to get my car checked out so I could put Alberta plates on. I went to Southwest Certigard who told me the only issue was my struts. I figured, okay, well he said I had until probably late August. A month later, they started clicking. I called today to explain the clicking and when I heard it, and now the repair bill is at least $800.

Awesome.

News.

2009-07-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

Actually there isn't any. Not a lot has been happening. Erin and Brendan's wedding was absolutely perfect, including the weather. The bride's dress was very classic as was her makeup. It was an event for the record books.

I recently got internet put on my phone. I discovered I could have 500MB of transfer including email for $5 more a month. I'll give it a few months, and if I don't like it, I'll go back to just having email.

The cats are doing well, no health issues in a while (thank heavens).

I went shopping with a friend and spent $111 on 3 shirts and and undershirt.

I am just so excited to see my friends play on July 8th. What a blast that will be. Plus, bonus! My friend loaned me one of his lenses before he went to the Phillipines and it looks to be a damn cool zoom lens. Awesome.

There just isn't a whole lot else happening. Ahh well.

Life.

2009-06-21T16:27:00.000-07:00

Well we've already had snow this month (yes, June), so there goes my idea of an awesome summer.

Ahh well. The weather is what it is, and trying to predict it is impossible. The weatherman with all his technology can't even get it right, so there's no point in trying.

In other news, I am almost completely done with the tech industry. I hate going to work each day, and I'm tired of hearing about issues with this, and issue with that. I desperately need a change of scenery, and a BIG change of job. Currently, I'm planning on sticking with it, because I'm finally making enough money to pay my debts. One was finished on Friday, the next one should be done by the end of the month. All that leaves is my car, and I'm free and clear after that!!

I attempted to make meatloaf tonight for my dinners for work. The directions said cook for 50 minutes, then put tomato sauce on it, then cook for 10 minutes. Had I done that, I would have been eating pink hamburger for a week (not that I would). It took me 2.5 HOURS to cook the damn thing. I am never making meatloaf ever again. Geez!

Finally, last week I came back from one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever seen. It was absolutely amazing and I wish the couple the best. It couldn't have gone better.

I wish this could be more interesting, but alas, that's my life.

Budgeting

2009-05-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

I have been reading many a blog lately regarding saving money (Gail Vaz-Oxlade anyone?) and watching shows like Til Debt Do Us Part. It's unfortunate for us single folks that there will never be a single person on that show to help people like me, but it's still a good lesson. Some of them have had such extreme budgets that 2-3 people are living on what I spend alone for groceries. Guess they don't eat a lot of vegetables.

Anyway, I have this terrible habit of blaming my spending on other people:

"Wow, these Kelowna trips are killing me!"
"I have too many friends in Kelowna"

And not saying things like:

"Wow, I spent way too much! That lunch out wasn't necessary, nor should I have had all those drinks"
"I should have let my roommate and his GF go there without me, it cost me too much!"

So, I have been reading Gail's blog. Her budget spreadsheet is a touch confusing because it's asking for Net and Gross income, but doesn't say monthly. For some reason I thought it was yearly, so it was telling me at the end of each month that I should have $36,000 left over. Obviously that's not correct, so when I corrected it, it says I should have $158 left over each month, and that's on the pay periods where I have NO extra money (meaning, no overtime, and no evening/overnight premiums), so a base pay period. In the explanation of how to work the sheet, it says to take that left over money and add it to the variable expenses section, except I had already done that. So, if I should have an extra $158 a month left over AFTER $100 for emergencies and $161 for savings, then where the hell is all my money going? Clearly I should be dealing with the jars, as what I'm doing right now isn't working.

As it is, I've just realized a few hours ago that the pay day won't come until AFTER I get back from Kelowna, which means when I get paid tomorrow, that's all I have. That's not good. Add onto that the cost of the gift to them (it's okay, they just want money for their trip to Greece in August, I don't have to buy it right away) plus the trip and any incidental expenses (read: car issues) and I'm pretty much screwed. I'm very happy that I have such a wide network of friends, as there's no limit to the places I can stay overnight. I will not be going for very long. I am off Wed/Thu/Fri/Sat. The wedding is the Saturday, so I took Sunday off as a vacation day and for recovery reasons. So, if the wedding starts later in the afternoon, I can get up super early that morning and head down there. I don't want to spend very much, but at the same time, I don't want to be late for the wedding, so maybe I'll head up there Friday night. Then when I get into town it will be easier for me to spend less. I can get up the next day and buy breakfast, then the rest will be wedding stuff. Maybe I'll do that.

Either way I desperately need a budget that works. I'd love to stop paying $31.03 including interest on my credit card plus bank fees each month for parking alone, however when my back is messed up like it was this week, I CANNOT take the bus, or I'll end up in the hospital. There isn't a single person who lives near me that's on my team and is off the same days I am, so I am left up to my own devices. Sadly, that means paying at least $5 each Thursday for the meeting. I had originally planned on taking the bus today, because it would have been $5 total (even if the meeting ran late), but the jerkiness of the bus would put me in hospital, I'm sure of it. So, sadly, there's another $5-$10 that goes to the credit card.

So, to make sure I am staying on track, I will be updating this site far more than normal. Hopefully the money stuff isn't too dry! After all, I need to save for my new computer.

No longer on the prowl!

2009-04-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

So I finally found a roommate! his name is Chris and he's from Kelowna like me! He's a nice guy who just finished working on the rigs and wants to find a job here in Calgary. His girlfriend Nicki is really nice too. He stays up super late and always tries to be as quiet as possible. He also always takes out the garbage which is awesome!

I must admit it's nice having money now. My savings account is bigger than it's been for a long time, it's been great!

I still haven't swapped over my plates, which I really should do. The initial cost for the provincial check plus the cost of a new drivers license is a bit much for me. I just don't want to see my savings account dwindle right now, so I'm not willing to fork over the money. Silly, right? I'd save $50 a month if I did swap them over, but something is holding me back from doing it.

I found out there's yet another position opening up in my old office, not sure if I want to head back right now. I have $3000 to pay off in bills (credit card, old computer loan) so once I do that I can start saving to move back. Probably won't happen for another year or so, but still.

I really love Kelowna and the more I think about the people there the more I want to move back. Crazy, since I'll never make that kind of money out there. Ahh well!

Still on the prowl...

2009-03-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

For a roommate. I keep re-posting my ad on Craigslist, on Friday night so the weekend people will see it. I have another guy coming to look today at 4. Time to clean...

Anyone but me with a Gmail account noticed that they are getting an inordinate amount of "cash this cheque now!" spam? I get at least 30 a day, and at first I was disgusted at the Gmail spam filter, as I thought that maybe they were doing a shitty job. One day, I looked at my spam folder, and there were 290 new spam emails, from less than 24 hours before.

Sickening.

Well.

2009-03-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

The arm is starting to feel better, and it's a beautiful day outside! Of course, the last time I was in a good weather-related mood, I sprained my ankle. Should I crawl over to the couch and not move until the guy coming to look at my place calls me?

My aunt sent me an email while she was at work yesterday asking if they had stairs in Kelowna and wondering how I was doing. I assured her that they did have stairs in Kelowna, even cement ones! She thinks she's sooooooo funny.

She is staring layoffs in the face right now. We just got bonus cheques, so I'm not the least bit worried about my job. Scary when you think about it though, one day you're thinking about the week ahead wondering how busy it is, the next day you're wondering when it's your turn to be asked into the boss' office. I hope it goes well for her.

Firefox

2009-03-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else really annoyed with the newest Firefox update? Ever since it was installed, it has not remembered a single password and never keeps me signed in on any website.

Having a rough weekend, 2 people were supposed to come look at my place as potential roommates, one guy chickened out at the last minute and sent me a freaking email even though he had my phone number (coward much) and the female didn't even bother doing that. While I was waiting for them I went to take the garbage out and my foot caught on the metal railing and down I went. Last time I fell I sprained my left ankle and almost ripped my right arm out of it's socket. Now, I sprained my left ankle (just as it was really starting to heal!) and almost ripped my left arm out of it's socket. God, you never know how much you use a muscle until it's out of commission. It was almost impossible putting deoderant on today :(

Winter Wonderland

2009-03-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

I went to the clinic a second time on Friday and am happy to report that it wasn't a one time deal to have a good experience at a clinic in this province. Same clinic, same doctor, sure, but still. It was still a good one.

Last night I saw Watchmen. It wasn't a great movie and was about 45 minutes too long. Only the Lord Of The Rings needs be that long. Didn't help the whole movie experience that there was a major blizzard happening outside as soon as the movie was over. Good thing I didn't drive!

I am however, very glad that I got all my weekend type stuff done. Grocery shopping, done. Running around, done. Cleaning house, not done but will be done tomorrow when it's -26 out and I feel like working up a sweat.

Now, it's March, so I'm all for weird weather while the seasons change, happens every time, or maybe it's not weird, we just think it is. Either way, I'm done with snow and cold, and I want a half decent summer. I look forward to walking a few extra bus stops in the morning before I board, but will not be doing so in this crap weather!

That is all.

Amazing

2009-02-27T08:35:00.000-08:00

I just went to a Calgary Walk In Clinic near my house for the very first time. It was probably one of the most positive experiences I've had. the doctor was attentive, and lucky me, just happened to be a pain specialist for things like tennis elbow. I showed him mine and asked him how long it would take for it to properly heal. I thought it was fine as it wasn't hurting anymore, but then he started pressing on the muscle and I could feel it was still tight. He asked me if I wanted a shot for the pain, but I told him it didn't hurt and not to bother.

He asked me if I was sure as it would really help. I decided to go for it, so he stuck 2 needles that looked like acupuncture needles into 2 areas where the pain was, and left them there for about 3 minutes. Then he took them out and had me feel the area. It was a lot less tight and felt like a normal muscle again. He wrote down his hours that he was at the clinic and said I should come in for shots once a week for a month. I haven't looked at my schedule yet, but I think next Friday will work for sure, which is awesome.

He also quickly wrote down my BC prescription and made it for 3 months, and I didn't even have to ask! Normally they do one month and expect you to come back unless you ask for the 3 months.

The clinic was also really nice, had tons of huge windows and super comfortable leather chairs. Awesome!

I'm about done with winter.

2009-02-26T07:06:00.002-08:00

I've had enough of -25. The wind chill making it -35 doesn't help much either. And what happened to today's high of -10? Now it's a high of -16? This is bullshit. BULLSHIT!

Another thing I've had enough of is the snow. Please, just go away.

And the final thing I've had enough of? The technology industry. I used to love everything about it, and have been working in it since I graduated. However, it's become stale for me. Processors get faster and faster, video cards get better and better, and hard drives get bigger. All of that is fascinating and all (well, it used to be) but it just doesn't turn my crank the way it used to.

The crux of it all? I can't go back to school because I make way too much.

Dang.

Kelowna

2009-02-18T11:58:00.000-08:00

This month is much better than last month. I am not as worried about money because I had a huge cheque and now have a decent amount in my savings account.

I still tried to move home though, and was told that someone was already approved to be in the position. SOL again.

And, the saddest thing this month so far: Stargate Atlantis was cancelled. Cancelled! I'll miss you Dr McKay...

Issues.

2009-01-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

This month is a rough one. I'm having money problems because my vacation was unpaid. I initially tried to blame this all on the company, thinking they hadn't calculated correctly. Turns out it was me who hadn't. So my cheque was missing 35 hours, which is a LOT of money. So I'm barely scraping by this pay period, which sucks because I have to drive to work on Friday and pay for parking all day. Today we have a mandatory meeting, which actually isn't all that bad because then I can charge the company 4 hours for 2 hours of work. BUT, I have to get there, and since it's in the middle of a regular working day, I either drive and pay $10 for 2 hours of parking, or spend $5 taking the bus and back. Doesn't sound like much of a choice, does it? There isn't much of one, but it's going to be -18 for a high today, which means it will be a damn cold walk any way I look at it.

I don't mind so much putting up with the cold if it saves me money, but I hate even having to think twice about it. I promised myself I would be good with my credit card, and keep the balance low, and instead I owe $1300. When I get paid at the end of the month there will be a bit extra on there compared to normal because I worked a half stat on New Years Eve, and the whole stat on New Years Day. All that money is going on my credit card, plus more if possible. It's a rent cheque though, so I probably won't be able to do more than that little bit extra.

All this worrying about money is nothing compared to what my sister is going through. She got so far behind her bills that the phone company cut off her cell (it's the only phone she has) plus she's behind on the power bill, her credit card payments, her line of credit, everything. She FINALLY after many months of waiting got her cheque from EI, but when she deposited it into her bank they gave her $50 of it and held the other $550. She was planning on using that money to buy groceries and pay a huge chunk on her bills, but now she can't because the bank is holding it and she doesn't know for how long. Her stupid bank has now decided to randomly put holds on cheques for everyone apparently. I'm guessing this is because of the terrible economy, but that's not really fair to it's patrons. She was honest with them when she worked for the interior design company, and told them her $1700 cheque was going to bounce before it did. Her stupid boss didn't have enough money in her account to pay my sister. It turned out in the end that the cheque ended up clearing anyway, meaning it's been more than a year since she's had a bounced cheque, and yet right after that is when her bank starting 'randomly' holding cheques to see if they would clear. If that's what you get for being honest, I'll lie every time.

The poor girl is also trying to go to school, because her back is really tight right now, which means in the next month or so she will get hurt again. If that happens she will be back where she was before, where she can't pay any of her bills on time, gets behind, and on and on. If she gets hurt she won't be able to pay any bills down to a level where she can handle it, meaning she can't go to school to get a better job where her back won't be such a factor. I feel for her, because I have the same back issues, however I managed to get a job where I can sit down all day and don't really have to worry about it all that much. Or at least, that was the case before I moved here, where taking an extremely jerky bus could be the end of me.

Anyway, she can't afford to go to school, because she has to work part time hours which isn't enough to pay any of her bills, and yet she can't afford to keep working to pay off those bills because then her back will die and she'll be off work. This wouldn't be so bad if she had paid sick days, but her fucked up company doesn't pay for that time when you're sick, they just give you a bit extra on each cheque. She would have been out of sick days by now, but that's not the point.

So apart from declaring bankruptcy, which to me seems to be the only step, what can she do? She can't afford to work or go to school, and she can't afford to go to school. I guess she just has to keep going on the way she has been. Life sucks when you're broke. My god.

Back to my situation, though I'm not nearly as bad off as she is, I'm really not happy here. I hate paying so god damned much for parking, and don't make enough to consistently pay off the bills. Flashing forward when thinking about this, to a possible time when I might be able to afford it, it makes me think that I'd be swiping the credit card, thinking how much money I lose each month just on parking. Currently, I'm thinking that my credit card has a much larger balance than I want it to, and I really need to pay it off. Add to that the ridiculous rent that I should be sharing with a roommate (that I can't find anywhere in this city) plus the fact that I still owe my aunt for my damage deposit (which will weigh on my mind until it's been paid) I'm really feeling scared. Scared about my money situation, scared for my sister and her situation, just basically I'm not in a good place this week.

Sadly, I can't even get my nails done, because I can't afford the $45 to pay for it. Christ.

Sadness, missing everyone

2009-01-19T07:31:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what's happening to me this week, I'm really missing everyone in Kelowna. I just heard my sister's best friend is moving back to town, and remembering all the good times I had there makes me want to move back. Argh, I'm sure this is just a weak week and I'll be fine soon. I'm just not really making any friends here, so it's tough to enjoy my life. Yeah, that's why!

Christmas time

2008-12-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if it's the weather and the unsafe driving conditions, but I haven't made any major progress making friends. This time of year normally makes me really happy, but for some reason I'm having a tough time getting into it. I decorated my place, even put lights out around my windows outside, but I haven't gone insane with the decorating like I normally do. When my sister arrives tomorrow night by airplane, I'm sure she will not be happy with the state of my apartment. I'm also sure she'll open up the door to all my boxes and will draw shit out and decorate it with my help until there's almost nothing left in the boxes. I wouldn't normally mind, but then I have to put everything away.

Another thing that's bothering me is I'm having troubles at work. I normally pick up on things really easily, but this job has so much to it, I feel like I'm falling behind. Unfortunately that means that I'm getting snippy at my co-workers when I don't understand something, which absolutely is not their fault. I know this, and I can't seem to stop myself. When I come in again on the 29th I am going to do my absolute best to stop being so bitchy to everyone and to buckle down and learn as much as I can about this job.

I can't wait for everyone to get here, and for all of this to be over. I need to start saving money to pay off the credit card (not that it will be hard, it just hasn't been done yet and has been weighing in on my brain a lot lately) and then join the gym. We only have a few weeks of this -29 crap and then it will get much better and will hover around the -8. Temperatures like that make it a lot easier to want to get up and go to the gym. It's really been bothering me (and no, it hasn't escaped my attention that this could be the cause of all my frustration at work) that I haven't been going. I've noticed I'm feeling like crap a LOT lately, and I'm ready to stop feeling that way.

Plans for tomorrow include:

Baking 2 pumpkin pies
Baking oreo cheesecake
Taking the sister shopping
Resting and drinking a lot with her
Playing cards

And before she gets into town:

Cleaning the house like never before. I have been very lazy with the whole cleaning thing, haven't really been into it dammit. I've done what needs to be done, but haven't felt a whole lot better after it was all done.

What's wrong with me lately, geez? Maybe it's the altitude...

Lovin' Calgary

2008-11-09T12:58:00.000-08:00

I never thought this would happen, but I am totally loving this town. The weather is BETTER than BC so far. I know that will change, but I will absolutely enjoy it while I can! This place rocks!

Having an Ikea in the same town is a good thing too. I spent what my limit was and got a ton of furniture. Now if only I had an electric screw driver...sigh...

Water

2008-10-27T10:24:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by JenniferLayn.

Holy crap. I think it's starting to hit me that I'm actually moving. Wow. I have 4 days left in town after today. Insanity. I'm still not done packing either, which is a scary thought. And oddly, everything is working out well for me. Things have been going smoothly. I keep thinking that the other shoe will drop, and everything will fall apart around me, but so far that hasn't happened. It's really weird!!!

Holy cow!

2008-10-25T09:23:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it's 6 days and counting before I leave! That's insane.

I'm worrying.

2008-10-20T21:37:00.000-07:00

Worrying about this move, about money, about my sister and her bum back, about everything!

New Pics

2008-10-18T19:00:00.001-07:00

, originally uploaded by JenniferLayn.

Check them out on either Flickr or Facebook.

Moving to Calgary

2008-10-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally got the promotion I wanted, and I didn't even apply this time. Let's hope all that extra money they're paying me is worth it!

I'm very scared about moving to Calgary. This town is enormous, there's so many freaking people it's ridiculous, and I don't know anything about the town. All I've heard so far is 'leave town during the Stampede, trust us'. No worries there, I've got tons of family and friends I'm leaving behind for this adventure, so heading back will be just fine with me thanks.

Crisis

2008-08-10T16:15:00.000-07:00

I have had 4 days off, today being the last, and I'm suffering from a serious identity crisis. To help get my credit score up, I should stay in my current job, as it shows longevity and stability. But, I don't want to. I'm sick of tech. I'm tired of sitting on my ass working a computer. I want out.

BUT, I now have no marketable skills thanks to said current job. AND, I need the steady cash flow to help with the car payments, the first of which happens on the 24th.

What to do, what to do...

So You Think You Can Dance

2008-08-03T22:33:00.001-07:00

Americans are idiots. I can't believe you fucktards voted off Chelsie.

You people make me sick.

Gah.

Not doing it.

2008-07-19T11:31:00.001-07:00

I just found out on Thursday that it will cost me $700 for an iPhone, including my special deal I get through work. I will also have to opt out of my current contract 2.7 years early. I am not happy about this. I spent $100 on a phone I thought would be alright, but it has this way of randomly deleting ring tones I've saved to it, including the free Star Wars one that Rogers texted me about 2 weeks ago. I want to get a Blackberry, because text messaging seems to be much faster, and I'm not very good at T9. However without a new 3 year contract, I'm looking at about $400.

As well, I'm very sad to say that my awesome Samsung 27" TV that I bought for $555 at Visions in Saskatoon, the Tv that moved with me is about to bite the dust. Moves:

From Saskatoon to Kelowna.
From Kelowna to Chilliwack.
From Chilliwack to Kelowna.
From Kelowna to Kamloops.
From Kamloops to Kelowna.

Plus 13 other moves in there from house to house on all those towns. That thing has been more than excellent.

It started about a month ago when I noticed that there was a weird green tinge on the screen in the upper left hand corner. We were playing Wii at the time, so I thought maybe the burned version of the game was faulty. Though, I don't see how that's possible. Anyway, about a week later my sister and I were watching TV, and I saw it again.

Then last night I bought a PACE PVR from work, and noticed that the picture is shaking. And the volume control doesn't really work. If I try to turn the volume down, I get all the way to the very last block before it's about to have no sound, and the volume level is the same. The last one down renders it almost completely quiet, but not completely quiet as it should be. I give it about a month, and it will die. Dammit. I've had a lot of good times with that TV. It's been on the bus, and been in about 12 different cars, plus one moving truck. I'll miss it when it's gone.

They Caved.

2008-07-09T11:50:00.001-07:00

But it's still not enough. For me personally however, 6G is way more than I'll ever use, especially considering I forgot to charge my current phone a lot.

More cell phone woes

2008-07-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

This time they aren't my woes (for once). We got an email at work regarding the new charges that Bell and Telus are about to introduce. That's right, they're about to start charging for incoming text messages. Almost the second the news was released, there was outrage. Everyone brings up a good point: we don't control who texts us and when, and now we have to pay for it? That's like saying if someone calls you long distance, you're paying for that call just because you had the nerve to answer the phone. Since the news was released, more information has come out to the effect that those who are paying for unlimited plans will not be charged, however those who rarely ever use the phone (the emailers) will have to pay for every incoming message. The worst part about all this, is Rogers is NOT on that band wagon. This means they will attain more customers.

How do they keep winning?

Update

2008-07-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

Over 40,000 people have now signed the petition for the god awful Rogers iPhone rates. Let's hope something will happen to get at least a decently priced unlimited plan to be released.

*****UPDATE: the number is almost at 60,000. They also have a page where you can "sign" to say you are willing to cancel if something isn't done. Almost 1200 have signed that one.

Brain Bake

2008-07-01T10:42:00.001-07:00

I'm not 100% sure what's happening with my head these days. I can't tell if it's the heat, or the "I might have to move to Calgary" thing that's been plaguing my mind, but I'm definitely suffering from 'brain bake'. 10 minutes ago I paid my Rogers wireless bill...for the second time. I paid it on the 16th and for some terrible reason it took forever to go through, so when they sent me the email saying that my bill was available to view, it wasn't showing a payment. Rather than take 4 minutes to log into my bank account and see that the payment was made, I just logged in and paid it. So now I'm $123 down. Dammit. I really hope I remember to check around Friday or so to make sure that my payment has gone through. If not, I will have to call Rogers to find out why they haven't posted my (by that time) 3 week old payment. I know they're under a lot of fire from the iPhone package announcement, but really. The day should go on as normal...

Last night I went to a Canada Day (one day early, as we all have to work the next day) party. My sister is house sitting at a place that has a pool and a hot tub, and quite possibly the most awesome backyard I've ever seen. The family that lives there is plant crazy. We played badminton for a few hours, drank some beers, had some steaks, and went home early. It was awesome.

Hope everyone has a great Canada Day.

Unbelievable

2008-06-28T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the voice and data plans were released by Rogers for the coming iPhone. I wanted to throw up when I saw the prices. $60? For almost nothing? No thanks. To get just what I have now on my phone, I'm looking at $80 a month. I pay $54 after taxes right now. Where does Rogers think they get off charging that much? We seriously need some competition in this country, as we as Canadians are being gouged. The phone itself is a lot cheaper than I thought it would be. I followed the initial launch in the states, and though I wanted one, I wasn't about to pay $800 for it.

For that reason, I stopped paying attention to what was happening. Then one day a guy at work showed me the price on the Apple website, and suddenly I was ready to start thinking about getting one. The issue now is the damn plans. The plan I have right now is one I got through work about a week before Rogers decided not to offer us special plans anymore, and I'm pretty sure if I get the iPhone I can stay on the new plan (it's just a sim switch, after all) but what happens in November when my contract runs out? I can't see that I'll get that same plan again. I never was one for using the internet on my phone, mostly because it was too slow and too expensive. I've heard lately that the iPhone 3G has done some work on connection speeds and signal reliabilty, which is great, but the data plan would kill any hopes of a decent budget for next year.

Hopefully some (sadly) American company is planning to roll into town and kick Rogers/Telus' collective asses to the curb. I'd rather pay them for a decent plan than keep breaking my budget while trying to remain patriotic.

Chain Normal

2008-02-22T18:46:00.001-08:00

Feeling awfully lonely these days. There's people around me, but they're not with me. Friends and family are distant. The odd thing is, the sun is shining every single day. I had a bad work week that sadly continues tomorrow. Then I'm off for 3 days and on overnights for 8 straight. Then 6 off, and back to normal. A payday is in that time, so maybe I'll take a little trip. Go visit the friends in Kamloops perhaps. Maybe I'll just tell people I'm going but stay here. Who knows.

My dryer is acting up, which is not a good thing. I won't get anyone in here to fix it, I'll just replace it. The reason is because first off it's butt freakin' ugly, and it's TERRIBLE with power consumption. The next time a power bill comes I want it to be less than $100. In this tiny apartment, that's atrocious. It's a good thing they're only like $300 each. My friend has a special deal she can get me, so I'll definitely be hitting her up for that. The thing is, the places out there are more expensive than they are here. Not sure if it's worth it or not. I'll look into it and see what I can find out.

I tried a Lipton Green Tea yesterday. Actually I tried a raspberry version first, and it wasn't very good. Then I checked out the label on the Green Tea bottle and opened it up. I turned the bottle upside down and dumped the entire thing out. It was a waste of $2, but stores don't like refunding drinks. On the label is said 32grams of sugars. Um, no thanks. The added sodium took the joy out of trying something new for me. I won't do that again.

In other news, the car is working fine.

The cats are extremely healthy right now. Both are at healthy weights, both have healthy mouths, but unfortunately both are eating a lot of wet food, which makes their excrement deposits FOUL. WOW. This apartment of mine has almost NO air circulation, so when I come home from work some days, I want to throw up. Any suggestions anyone? It's seriously horrible. I've always prided myself on whether or not my house smells like cat. I've always been told that it doesn't, but nobody says that anymore...

Luke

2008-02-10T19:11:00.001-08:00

, originally uploaded by JenniferLayn.

So, I'm sorry about the use of all these Christmas pictures. Though I'm incredibly inspired when looking at other people's work on Flickr during dead periods at work, by the time I get home I'm emotionally exhausted from dealing with incompetence all day and are no longer inspired...for anything really.

I met the sister for lunch yesterday and I can't believe the mood I was in. Parts of my body have started to shift. The pants I wore yesterday were so loose they were almost ready to fall off my hips. By the way, my hips have bones in them. The only reason I know this is because I can feel them. Not just when I lie flat, either. I CAN FEEL THEM ALL THE TIME. I am so happy with this whole lifestyle change I feel like I'm going 1000 ways at once and my skin is the only thing keeping me together. It's odd though, I have a hard time being that happy at work. There isn't one single happy camper there. It's not good, not at all. I still love my job though, and spending time away from the office keeps me interested an happy. I learn something new every day, and understand the cable plant a bit more at the end of each day.

I am not working on Valentine's Day, so on that day I'll be printing out a resume and cover letter and heading to a job lead I received last week. I haven't been able to do so because I worked 65 hours last week, and the hours that I'm working this week prevent me from ever getting there while there's hope of the supervisor still being there. That's about the only way I want to spend Valentine's Day, because my friends are busy with their significant others, and everyone else is working. So, rather than be depressed and alone, I'll be thinking about a new job, and keeping my mind off of my still very single status. As well, I'll be watching 2 movies I downloaded that have NOTHING to do with romance. Crying, feeling fat and alone on a day when most others are with significant others, giving gifts and cuddling and loving each other, isn't an option anymore. I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore. I'm done with that.

Who knows, maybe I'll spend the day walking around taking pictures, and the night editing those pictures and having a great time by myself. I still enjoy my own company sometimes! Or maybe my one single female friend won't have made plans with her roommates and daughter and will want to hang out. Either way, alone or not, I REFUSE to be depressed this year.

One final note before I head to bed: my brother starts at my place of work tomorrow. I am EXCITED that he's going to work with me, because I think he will love the company like I do, even if it isn't as MUCH as I do. Simply, I cannot wait. I'm planning the hugest hug ever when I see him.

Winter Walk

2008-01-13T19:27:00.001-08:00

Oh my holy hell. I love this time of year.

I can't believe I've made it 15 days as a non-smoker. Though I thought about it a lot at first, especially because of all the scary incredibly guilt inducing dreams I was having, and the small moments of irrationality the second I woke up, wondering where my smokes were, since I'd just had a smoke, may as well get up and have another, I really haven't been thinking about smoking a whole lot. Today after a marathon shopping spree with a friend, I came home, took one look at my dirty ass car that I'd washed literally 3 weeks ago and hit the wand wash again. While waiting for the truck to vacate the only feasible spot, I threw out my ashtray. My car came with one of the ones that's attached to the dashboard (permanently) so I'd bought a $5 one at Wal Mart. That's what I threw out today. I've noticed lately that I'm smelling smoke in my car a lot more often than I was before. Now that the ashtray is gone I'm looking forward to better smells. I think at the gas station tomorrow when I get coffee, I'll get an air freshener too. Maybe it will smell like everyone else's cars for once.

Not a lot has been happening WW wise. I had a major slip up this weekend, as I got a horrid cold that even prevented me from doing my normal housework. I've been hiding under my brand new comforter that I got at, of all places, Superstore on Friday night. It's been my friend, this blanket. My cold started off as a terrible sore throat, which I assumed was strep, since my sister has had it twice in the last 2 months, but it wasn't, it was just a bad way to start off a cold. I went to the doctor instead of the gym on Friday to get my penicillin prescription, and then Saturday and Sunday I felt like ass, so I missed those days too. The only good thing to come of this weekend was some more interesting sounding recipes off the good ole internet.

Though the points were out of control, and there was little exercise this month to date, I can say that my weight is still staying in the same 10 lb range, which is a good thing. I just have to remember when I'm hungry to drink a glass of water and have an apple or orange, and if it gets no better, I can have a meal. I'm not trying to starve myself at all, I promise, I'm just not letting myself get away with these little snacks I keep 'forgetting' to write down. Summer will be here again before I know it, and I refuse to let another scorcher pass by without some serious photography outdoors while I am wearing shorts! Other than when I was in the Dominican surrounded by strangers, I never once wore shorts the entire year, and the Dominican trip was in November! That means I lasted in +40 heat in long pants! What the hell is wrong with me?!?

Either way, won't happen again.

In other news, I started a hand written diary. I have been noticing my internal monologue is keeping me up at night yet again, so I am taking all opportunities I can to get the words out on paper. That way, if there was a detail in an important conversation I had, it's a matter of time before I can look up the details and finish my thoughts. Then maybe at night I can sleep, like normal people do.

Now if only I could come up with a way to help my sister and her finances. She is drowning big time and is refusing to move to a place she can actually afford, because she doesn't want her landlords to think bad of her. Meanwhile her rent has been late once already, and each month her debt (especially her line of credit) get further and further in the red just because of that stupid rent price. She had to spend $600 on friggen tires just to be able to get to her house, the roads are that dangerous. Each month it only gets worse, each month she attracts another horrible cold/throat problem, and each month her mood dips further and further down below the even level. She's turning into who I was a few years ago, and it's scary to watch. She was always the happy sort, and it's scaring the shit outta me to watch her on this downward spiral. I hope an answer comes to her soon, because I can't stand to watch this for much longer.

Nola and Belle

2008-01-02T10:24:00.001-08:00

This poor cat is at the vet right now. I thought she might have an infection in her mouth, turns out all her teeth are really bad and she will have to lose them ALL. She also had a fever due to the infection, which would had been caught had it not started on December 31st, when the damn vet office was closed. They want to do $170 blood work, plus give her antibiotics to ward off the infection (only $20) and then the removal of all the teeth will be "at least a couple hundred dollars" according to the vet. This is very stressful, as I was only beginning to build up my savings account again, and now it's all down the drain.

And to think, I still am not craving a cigarette. Today when I went to the gym I was surprised that I noticed how much like smoke my car smelled. I can't wait to get it detailed to get that smell, or as much of it as possible, out. This Champix is a freakin' wonder drug. Awesome.

My favourite time of year

2008-01-01T10:21:00.001-08:00

I love this time of year. Everyone (except those who drive) are happier when not on the roads, the world looks beautiful, and it's my birthday month.

While it's true expenses raise a considerable amount in December, it's still fun. Family comes close, friends closer.

Last year at this time I was stressed out and worried about what 2007 would bring me. I should have been. I was absolutely ridiculous about my money (letting it leave my account as if there were no consequences), not making a lot in my current job, and basically not thinking any positive thoughts about the impending year. There were a lot of depressed months where I refused to go out with friends, wouldn't take phone calls, and wasn't exactly easy to deal with at work.

This year though, things have changed. I've got a decent car that I can rely on, a touch of a savings account, I've quit smoking, created a budget I can stick to, made a huge change at work, and started Weight Watchers (without attending the meetings or playing around online). I am experiencing very positive thoughts regarding this year, and I can't wait until it really gets going.

I started the new stop smoking drug 10 days ago. After the 8th day you should stop smoking and continue taking the pills. There's 2 reasons this drug has already been successful for me:

1. They gave me a 2 week starter pack and kept my prescription on file (unlike Zyban) which means I can run to SuperStore and grab the next couple of week's worth without waiting for hours at the doctor's office (BIG BIG BONUS).

2. Instead of just hoping it will work by making you happier than normal (like Zyban) this drug actually helps you quit! It stimulates the nicotine receptors in your brain and then immediately blocks them, taking away whatever pleasure you derived from a cigarette, this making smoking eventually become pointless.

The only thing with this drug is it says on the package that it's possible to experience all the same issues when quitting cold turkey: headaches, irritability, loss of patience, troubles sleeping. My dreams went insane with vividness once I started the drug, which doesn't bother me at all. It's actually fun recounting the previous night's dream to friends the following day. Quite the insight into the human psyche. The loss of patience thing actually really isn't that bad. I really though I was very heavily addicted when I decided to stop, and thought that this would be a massive, very angry journey. But after the first day was done, I was shocked at how easy it was to not smoke.

I wasn't all that angry or irritated, or even anxious, like I felt I should be doing something, but wasn't allowed, and therefore had to sit and be agitated until the craving passed. Day 2 went well, though I had a very irrational 20 minutes. And I wasn't even that involved in freaking out, I was able to take a step back and realize I was acting silly. So rather than continue on, I took a few deep breaths and waited a couple of minutes until the feeling passed, and I was able to relax again. As well, day 2 involved hanging out with people in a public place and drinking coffee, which normally makes me want to smoke. After having coffee, we went out to dinner (also a dangerous action) and I didn't snap at anyone, I was pleasant to be around, I had a good time and didn't even think about it!

Today is day 3 and I'm not honestly sure I can even say how I'm doing. I'm thinking about smoking, but only because I'm typing this. I was thinking of trying to play some World of Warcraft while I relax this morning, but it's very cold in here, so maybe some TV is in order. Day 3 is notoriously the worst when it comes to cravings and such, but so far I'm alright. I'm not hoping for something to make me angry so I can take my frustrations out on it, and I'm actually somewhat relaxed. Though I haven't gone back to work yet (I got 15 days off from work, due back on the 7th) I am feeling conservatively optimistic that I'll be able to handle it when I get back.

I am actually sort of looking forward to going back. Normally I hate days off/vacation, as I tend to get incredibly bored, and end up longing to return to work. For the first couple of days of this vacation I was feeling that as well, but the 23rd/24th/25th hit and it was total insanity for those days. Then it was all over, and I quit smoking. It's only Tuesday, but I've taken all my Christmas decorations down, and have started the major clean up of my apartment. Almost everything is back to normal now, so I can start my year fresh and ready to handle all obstacles headed my way.